I read this today and decided to post it here- I wanted to take a moment to talk about how I was running from myself.. I couldn’t sit with myself. I’ve known my whole life that really, I’m all I have. But I couldn’t be alone with me! When I got sober I decided to learn to love myself, and through trial and error I am here today! I used yoga, meditation and a lot of hard work to be able to look on the mirror and be ok with who I am today❤️‍🔥 has anyone in this group felt this way in their addiction? Or in sobriety?? Let’s talk

TRIGGER WARNING: drugs, alcohol and violence Updated as I can🥰 I had a very difficult childhood, I did not fully live with my mom until I was 14. Before that I was in and out of foster care and lived with my aunt and uncle who abused me. Fast forward to 14 when I moved in full time with my mother who had just gotten sober from her 30 year heroin addiction. By the time I moved in with my mother I had already tried most drugs except heroin, but I was drinking and doing coke often. I used to have bars on my bedroom windows because my mom was trying to stop me from sneaking out, well I couldn't get out but my friends would come to my windows to deliver drugs. Up till this point I had not heroin because I didn't want to be like my mom, she failed as a mom, she contracted a life altering disease, she lost everything she ever had. I couldn't see the sobriety, I didn't care I was too hurt from what she had done, the way she left me. When I was a baby I was with my mom in her full blown addiction. We didn't have a home so we slept and lived in a broken down van in a junk yard. I was potty trained on a hubcap. So for my second birthday my mom gave me to my aunt and uncle so that I could have a good Christmas, but she promised to be back in a few days. She never came back to get me. This all has relevance so hold on! So I was hurt, very hurt and I focused on the hurt for a while, I was 14. Then when I was 16 years old so around 2001-2002 my mom was diagnosed with stage 3b ovarian cancer. Within a week she had a total hysterectomy and they basically said they got what they could but there was some in there they could not get. That in a few years she would be full of cancer. At that time, my mother had always been so sick because as I mentioned earlier she had gotten HIV then full blown AIDS by the time I was 6 months old to a year old. I was used to doctors telling me she would die, I was in grieving therapy and everything! I didn’t believe them, honestly I thought she was invincible. Well I asked her to ask her doctors for OxyContin because we could sell them and she said absolutely!! She asked, we picked them up and I was now making money for my family, selling my moms drugs. That only lasted one full month, I gave her money and buy the next month I had nothing to give because I took all the pills. She was really upset, and I moved out. I think it’s also important to mention that my whole life I was hiding my sexuality and who I needed to be.. and that being with men was a way to be accepted in my family.

There was a time that I couldn’t imagine living without my doc, but now I know that I can not only live but love life and myself!! Cannabis has helped me in so many ways!! I’ve been able to come off of certain medication’s because I use cannabis medically 💚 the benefits are mind blowing!! I’m grateful for my life today and grateful that we have options!! Has cannabis helped you with your recovery? Any members have any questions about the medical benefits of cannabis and certain cannabinoids?

I saw a post today that I really related with. Before I left and went to rehab I had this life that I hated and couldn’t recognize. The only good was my children.. can you relate to this post?