My mother-in-law, 102, whom I have been primary caregiver for since my husband died, almost 10 years, is failing. I am both ready and sad. That is all.

I was struck by how much more comfortable people in my stepdad's retirement community are with grief and death. They ask what happened, tell stories about my mom or discuss common interests calmly. I remember when my husband died at 57, everybody was awkward around me. Some even avoided me or left. They didn't know what to do or say. I didn't always know what I wanted because there were so many holes in my life. Others breached my boundaries by moving or getting rid of things without asking. What are the biggest barriers to avoiding misunderstandings?