Ntuthu in Jhb. I guess the patterns that keep showing up for me are that when things start to feel a little uncertain I go back in the past and think of various could haves, should haves scenarios - aargh. Also any start of a relationship, once I feel obligations start building up - I pull away and cut off. I also noticed I do endless To Do lists. Which is ordinarily not a bad this but they keep building up as I get the satisfaction of ticking off. It helps me feel in control in the moment, but it also keeps me stuck because I then don’t actually consume my present fully. And try to control the future as well.