I want to want to think differently

Hi all, Would love some support on this thinking cycle and focus wheel tool.

I didn't expect this situation to be the one I needed the most support with coming into this program. I thought it would be something sexier like money or travel... but it's the one I keep coming back to at the group calls - my coparenting relationship.

There are two things that have occured to me: The first is: If I were to change my thinking and assume the best of my son's father to do the right thing, then it would ultimately be in my son's best interest. He'd have a better relationship with his father (should my thinking energetically influence his father's actions) and there'd be more peace.

But letting go of that energy is really difficult. It's hard to not follow it up with disparaging thoughts like "He's not going to be able to sustain this," "This is only because his girlfriend is behind asking him to do this" "He is not really like this and he's going to fall through or disappoint Aiden" or "We are not friends and I cannot trust him to communicate openly with him," "His girlfriend is blocking this coparenting relationship (He has told me this was the case himself several times and the energy has definitely changed over the last year")

I'm going to listen to

@Chris Grieder

's feedback to me about this again later today (I'm traveling now). But I told

@Jeff Palmer

in the chat, "I want to want to think differently," but it's hard.

The other part of this that I didn't think I was going to share more about, but I think it's what's really influencing this, is the ongoing court case regarding this relationship. As time has gone on the case gotten more contentious, I have had so much anxiety around it and worries about past messages or plots on his end being used against me. In the past, I have not allowed him or his actions to ever have this amount of emotional charge around me. He, nor this situation has ever been on my radar.

But this situation has made it very difficult for me to be neutral because of fear of what happens if I take my finger off the pulse and let go energetically by not worrying and staying aware of how my good attempts to communicate may be used against me. In fact, there was actually a very real incident and threat of this this past weekend where he tried to use my words against me in writing to be presented to the lawyers.

I don't know exactly what I'm asking for. Like I said, I want to want to change my thinking around this and I also want there to be peace and trust that everything will work out in my and my son's favor. Living in the in between while I wait for the court date to close 2 & a half months from now is very hard.

So maybe some encouragement and also, if there's anything in here that you can see to point me towards using the tools Chris has taught, would be really great.

If you've gotten to read all of this... thank you so much. This is such a vulnerable ask here to share this for help, and I'm really appreciative of anyone who takes the time to offer genuine support ❤️

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