Most people think “calm down” is a personality trait. It’s not. It’s a nervous system skill. Regulation is when you can bring yourself back to baseline after you’ve been triggered. Your heart is racing. Your thoughts are fast. Your body is tight. And you have tools to come back down. That might look like: • Slowing your breathing • Stepping away for a reset • Naming what you feel • Choosing a different response Regulation is not suppression. It’s not stuffing emotions. It’s returning to center. Now here’s the part people miss: Co-regulation comes first.** Before we learn how to calm ourselves, we borrow calm from someone else. A regulated voice. A steady presence. Someone who doesn’t escalate when we escalate. Children learn regulation through co-regulation. Adults still need it too. If you didn’t grow up with co-regulation, it’s not a character flaw. It just means you’re learning the skill now. Regulation increases capacity. Co-regulation builds safety. And safety is what allows growth. — The goal isn’t to never get triggered. The goal is to return faster and respond differently. Every choice builds a life. Every breath is a chance to rebuild. When you’re triggered, what actually happens in your body? Do you stay activated for hours? Do you shut down? Do you escalate? Or are you able to bring yourself back to baseline? And if you can regulate — how? What tools are you using? Breathing? Walking away? Silence? Prayer? Music? Boundaries? Let’s make this practical. What does regulation look like for you in real life?

Are you always on edge? Headaches won’t go away? Can’t sleep? Do you go to the worst case scenario first? Let’s talk about TOXIC STRESS!!! But before we talk about toxic stress, let’s clear something up, because there are actually three types of stress. First, there’s positive stress. That’s healthy stress. Things like trying something new, taking a test, learning a skill. Your body feels it — and then it calms back down. Second, there’s tolerable stress. That’s moderate stress. Something hard happens, but there’s a buffer — a safe person, support, help. And because there’s support, the body can recover. Then there’s toxic stress. Toxic stress is when there is no rest, no safe spot, no break. It’s constant. It’s daily. It’s ongoing neglect, abuse, harm, or chaos — and you cannot escape it. And here’s the part people miss: toxic stress doesn’t just affect emotions — it affects the body. When stress never turns off, the body stays in survival mode. And over time, that changes how the brain, the immune system, and the nervous system work. Now, toxic stress shows up differently in children and adults. In children, it often shows up as what people call ‘bad behavior.’ But really, their stress has become their communication. Their nervous system is overloaded. In adults, toxic stress often shows up in health issues — chronic illness, pain, anxiety, burnout — and emotional shutdown or explosions. And this is how it becomes generational. A parent who grew up in toxic stress may get stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. They learned that the world is unsafe — that something bad is always about to happen — so they stay ready. And without healing, they raise their children under the same survival patterns. Not because they don’t love them — but because nervous systems teach nervous systems. But here’s the hope. Toxic stress is not permanent. It can be reversed with consistent safety, nurturing relationships, and skills that teach the body how to calm and ground itself.

Trauma doesn’t just affect what happened to us.It affects how much we can hold — and how much choice we believe we have. That’s capacity.That’s agency. When capacity is low, people react.When capacity grows, people choose. This is why ACEs aren’t just something we learn about —they are something many of us have lived through. Healing doesn’t erase the past.It restores the ability to respond, to choose, and to move forward with intention. ACEs: Lived, Not Learned.

Trauma doesn’t end with one person.When it isn’t addressed, it moves through generations.A child grows up carrying what was never healed. That’s why ACEs are lived — not learned. This isn’t theory.It’s lived experience, family patterns, coping strategies, silence, and survival showing up over time. Reflection (optional): - What’s something you once thought was “just how I am” that you later realized had roots in childhood? - What does addressing trauma look like for you right now — awareness, boundaries, support, rest? There’s no pressure to share more than you want.This space is for honesty, learning, and healing at your own pace. Every choice builds a life.Every breath is a chance to rebuild.

High Blood Pressure has doubled in our children! What child stressing over bills, or how the going to feed their family this week? NONE!!! So, where is the hypertension coming from? Their day to day lives, the stress of childhood going unattended. Being bullied in school or at home. Not measuring up in school scholastic, athletic or both. Either no one noticed or was present enough to effectively treat the experience. So the nervous system starts reacting. Hypertension is only one way it shows up. Healing has to take place on every level.