I feel like on my journey, I have experienced similar, stopped and returned later, was more consistent - saw more results and as time progressed I could see healthy patterns developing like for example. I used to use usually large amounts of butter in my cooking, as I have educated myself on nutrition and healthy dieting, even giving it a try; although it didn’t “fix” my tendencies leading to weight gain or acne or unhealthy habits, over time it got better. By better I mean, today I was cooking eggs and I went into the fridge to grab butter for the scramble, I usually would put like a tbsp of butter in there thinking it was better for cooking. I told myself… maybe just a small sliver will be enough with just a few drops of olive oil. I tried it and it came out perfect, just the same or even better than when I would put so much butter. It’s like my brain, over time of trying different things found itself in a middle path… not no butter at all but just a sliver. From a spiritual perspective - I try different ways of expanding my awareness, challenging my beliefs, exploring my philosophies and seeing what really melds. Sometimes, rather it be physical wellness or spiritual, I don’t like eating healthy or meditating because it is unfamiliar, uncomfortable. The dread or discomfort associated with trying the new thing or keeping doing it (like waking up early)… pulls me away from new habits and into old ones (“it’s fine, just lay in bed for a few more hours.”, “just add the full tbsp, it will taste best.”). It is ok to me today that I am not perfect… that I try to do better and sometimes fall short because that try is like adding a droplet of water into a bowl, it might not look like there is much filling up one drop at a time but over months, the bowl fills. I believe in the process of awakening and enlightenment in all areas of existence. Much love and respect my friend ♥️🫂🖤

@Erhard H. Last night I had the most wonderful feeling and experience. It’s hard to describe but as I lay there, there were very honest and caring thoughts that were very clear and unobstructed as I rested and fell asleep. I feel like these experiences and such great glimpses into new and beautiful experiences in having. I love hearing from you. Thank you for your help and reflection.