I agree with Lorna, Beth. From James' point all that you've written seems highly appropriate, and it's the first paragraph so we get to know things about the setting and his thoughts nice and early. I suspect that would fit very well with book club fiction. In that sense the negatives: no stethoscope, no white coat, are doing a good job. Alternatively if you cut “movements deliberate. No white coat, no stethoscope, ” we'd have the same story with more action and less thought, perhaps that might suit straight commercial fiction rather than book club, I don't know. Either way it's an enticing set-up. I want to read on. Of course if James isn't familiar with hospitals he wouldn't know that doctors don't wear white coats very much any more. When I was a junior doctor in the mid 1990s we did and stuffed the pockets with all sorts of things but now they tend just to wear either their clothes or, very commonly, scrubs, regardless of whether they ever have to go to theatre or not, which is what scrubs were originally meant for. That would apply for doctors looking after someone after an accident like most other hospital doctors. The only sort likely to be doing clinical work on wards who wouldn't wear scrubs (that I can think of) would be psychiatrists.