Recently, I signed up for a divorce class, not realizing that it was going to be very religion based and very religion heavy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I grew up in the Midwest in the American Bible belt went to church three times a week both to a Christian church and a Baptist Church so we were very big on repentance and living and sin versus not and over the years that side of me has changed. It’s not that I don’t believe anymore. I believe differently now I believe in the universe and source and light and love vibration and frequency, not necessarily in all powerful being that has sat down a set of rules for us to follow such as the 10 Commandments and then if I break these rules, I’m somehow wrong and doing so. Out of everything that was what I was uncomfortable for when I went to this divorce class it wasn’t sharing my story. The people here in this platform have helped me with that, but it was being thrown back into a world where everything that I’ve gone through the things that I’ve had to survive and do I don’t want to speak about because I don’t want to be blamed or tarnished or look bad for sinning or going against traditional Christian beliefs. For a long time, I tried to get my ex narc to go to church with me because I did enjoy the community and the worship and the togetherness yet he refused so slowly of that piece of me changed changed into something that fit my new narrative. Do I think that there’s value in this divorce class absolutely am I going to keep going yes but I Remind myself that it is not required to have the same faith and beliefs that everyone else does that what used to be me is no longer me. This is who I am now this is what I believe. I find peace and solace in my beliefs it feels right and true to who I am So what version of you or your past life it has been coming up for you recently? How are you dealing with it?

Lately, we’ve gotten into the habit of having dinner at my place every night. Makes my son happy. Then we watch TV for a while. This is a boundary that I have actively been working on. Last night, my son didn’t want dad to stay after we ate, and my ex looked at me and asked what he was supposed to do while he waited for the time he was scheduled to door dash. I gave him a list of things, all of which he rejected. I finally told him that “it’s not my job to entertain you.” said many times we have been treated as if we were their property that it takes strength to say this isn’t mine to deal with, but yours and you handle it. Boundaries are tough and so is sticking to them. But I cannot tell you how HAPPY and RELAXED I felt last night! I got good quality time with my son, better sleep, and on time sleep, because I wasn’t keyed up from him being there until 30 minutes before I start settling down. I’ve decided that I’m entering my REAL SELF Era, and if standing up for myself makes me mean, hateful, rude, bitchy, then, dammit, that’s what I am. The only people who don’t like/respect your boundaries are those that the boundaries protect you from

Sometimes, all it takes is one small step, one tiny act, to get the momentum going! You prove to yourself that you can stand your ground and you start to build trust in yourself again. Boundaries can be anything you need them to be. Anything to give you peace, strength, or whatever else you need. I promise myself I won't take my laptop to my bedroom and that I will not have a TV in my bedroom. My sleep is too important for the possibility that I'll get sucked into all the distractions available. I have books a plenty, but nothing digital, except for my Alexa, and occasionally my phone (work phone and all). What are some boundaries you want and/or need to set? What support do you need to help you uphold your boundaries?

So many of us focus on the past. Thinking of what could have been done differently, better, smarter, safer. We forget that it’s the past and there’s nothing we can do to change it. Instead, I challenge you to learn from the past, and make the future better. What can you take from what you learned from your past and apply it to today or this week?

Sometimes we have to go with the flow and sometimes we have to make waves. To grow and heal, we set boundaries. That pisses people off, and for good reason. We are taking back the control they had over us and they don’t like it. So to get myself back, get my peace back, I’ll rock the boat, make some waves, even a tsunami, because what I’ve gone through was worse. What has this week been like for you?