Hi, I'm new here. I found you and Sherry's group through your YouTube channel. I'm Storm (yes, my dad is a huge X-men fan) and I'm a twin who is 6 years deep into my journey. I'm at the stage where I'm on the cusp of my authentic self returning to me and I'm getting hints about my purpose. Currently, I'm learning to heal my inner child and my inner masculine because of how long those parts of me have gone neglected. Trauma and shame are really good at convincing us to invest in our own disenfranchisement for safety. I didnt feel capable, worthy, or safe to overcome anything. Almost like I felt I deserved to live an unbearable life. I thought I was too weak, too soft, and too scared. I tend to lean into my feminine because being so attuned to deep emotional awareness feels very natural for me but then it left me paralyzed and stagnant in my ability to build stability for myself by letting my masculine fall to the wayside. I've been overcoming these false ideals slowly. I try my best to honor all parts of me each day but I still fall a little short. Natural when we're still in the process of healing and growing. Old habits do die hard! However, I'm not as self deprecating about my shortcomings. Instead of letting it inform me about my identity as a form of confirmation of my lack of value, I allowed myself the grace of my shortcomings being a natural consequence of being man instead.

@Lee Patterson To be honest, since I'm still in a peculiar transitional phase (just starting to see the light after 6 years of dark night) I haven't yet been able to orient myself. Without meditating and grounding beforehand imagining my masculine returning feels like fear of having to perform AND relief that I wouldn't have to do everything alone anymore. I'm still kinda trapped in a dissonance which tells me I still don't trust myself. I also think that for many of us proceeding through new heights of healing the ego can employ new trickster methods to try and discourage us because the unknown is still seen as "unsafe". I think a part of me is only scared because if I transcend my fears and shame that the sheer weight of responsibility for myself I'll have beyond that point is a land of no return. I'm not shamed to admit that it's hard for me to perceive existing without something to blame. However, when I really sit and try to ground myself... imagining my masculine returning feels like a big expansion of warmth starting from my heart and expanding everywhere with a comfortable anchoring at my root. I imagine me embracing myself and feel unwavering support.

I'm currently in one other skool community that I also joined quite recently. I've been on a twin journey since 2020 and I only found your videos recently. I watched all your videos about your story together and it moved me a lot. You both are so candid, charming, infectious with loving energy and it felt very grounding to see how vulnerable and open you were with expressing your story. I'm very uncomfortable with finding community. I'm used to staying a lone wolf in the face of my spiritual journey as I've been shamed and humiliated by others who just can't understand it. I don't hold it against them but I still internalized those experiences and I'm quite scared. One of my goals for today was to be brave in posting and commenting in communal spaces so I'm trying! I'm hoping to find connection with others on the journey so I can grow to be comfortable with being seen and communicating about shared experiences and providing mutual assistance.