I’ve been off of this channel for a while. I’m going through what feels like the most painful experience of my life right now, and I’m looking for some spiritual advice. I wake up every morning thinking about the betrayal and heartbreak, and my first thought is often, “I just want to wake up from this nightmare.” I haven’t been able to work properly, and this has been affecting me enormously. My life feels completely shattered. My best friend Matt and I have been close for 17 years. I trusted him with my life. He had been there for me through previous betrayals and had actually helped me heal from them, so I never imagined that he could be the person who would hurt me this way. I was in a relationship with Vanessa for about five years. It was a very deep, loving relationship, but also very unstable and painful at times. There was a strong push-pull dynamic. She told me many times that she loved me, that I was the only one, that she wanted to marry me and have children with me, and that she couldn’t stay away from me. We had many genuinely happy moments together. I have pictures of us laughing and being happy together that are very difficult to look at now. I was also there for Vanessa through some of the lowest periods of her life. I supported her when she was in the hospital for her mental health and when she was struggling. I believed in her and saw potential in her even when she was at her lowest. Eventually she ended the relationship and told me it was unhealthy for her and that she didn’t want to get back together. I struggled a lot with letting go because I still loved her and had hoped we could eventually work things out. I’ve been trying to work on myself, especially around attachment, my emotional reactions, meditation, surrender, and trusting God/the universe rather than trying to control outcomes. After our breakup, Matt needed a place to stay because of his work situation. He asked if it would be okay for him to stay with Vanessa for a maximum of three months. I said yes because I trusted him completely. He was my buddy and needed somewhere to stay. Her place was much closer to his work than mine, so it made sense. I also secretly hoped that having my best friend there might somehow help Vanessa and me find our way back to each other.

Hey there, friends. I HAVE RETURNED. 🐵 I'll be re-aliving the spiritual rebels community and be bringing more people here shortly. I'll be adding exclusive content and live calls soon for those who want to be in the inner circle 😉 That being said, I'll need some admins to help keep the community clean and get rid of the bots and occasionally low-quality content. Also to accept new members into the community. I had some of you as admins before, so if you'd like to be considered, comment below. The more active you are, the more likely I will be to accept you. Also, i'd encourage you to share some topics you'd be interested in hearing more about 🙏

Going to be tripping here soon. 🫠 May or may not release the content , but I had the idea to post this. Ask me anything 👇

Just finished a movie called The Stanford Prison Experiment, based originally in 1971, college students were randomly assigned to be “guards” or “prisoners” in a fake prison. The guards became increasingly harsh, and the prisoners became distressed, so the study was stopped after only six days. It was meant to show that powerful situations and roles can strongly influence people’s behavior, but I saw it as us as conscious beings embody our bodies and identity today, and that can be changed drastically by taking on a role. More so being so immersed in that role we can change who we are. There are so many things I wish I could change about myself and all it takes is some delusion and commitment

New psychedelic course available. If you've ever wanted to take a psychedelic trip, or are planning one soon, you can prepare your cheeks here. https://www.skool.com/spiritual-rebels/classroom/49161db3?md=d92247492948460fad425611c9eb2958 You can also hear my story about getting lost in San Francisco on magic mushrooms. 🫠