I feel like I'm always persuing comfort. Even when I choose to do something uncomfortable it's because I think it will bring me comfort in the future.

@Robert David yes I guess that is true and of course much of the discomfort is created by the story of what is happening and not the actual situation. The work is remembering to break the pattern

I have read and it feels true in my experience that emotions and thoughts are a kind of programming and how we react to a situation depends heavily on how we have been conditioned throughout life and what we are attached to. These seem to be geared to keeping the body alive by seeking control or approval. There is more work being done with regard to the body "storing" emotions that are not expressed or let go, like a physical memory, sometimes creating physical symptoms. "The body keeps score" is a book I found interesting. There seems to be an uprising in somatic therapy which releases these without the need for analysing your past. Gabor Maté has also done work in this field. I wonder what you would have experienced if you had allowed yourself to cry? Some kind of release or relief maybe? Repeated movements in autism is said to provide sensory feedback. It seems to me to function in the same way as eating too much or binge watching TV after a hard day. Finding comfort in familiar patterns. I have been reading zen body being and have noticed that there are parts of my body that have little or no sensation . I seem to have a heightened awareness of how my body reacts to a violent scene on the TV. It make me curious.

@Lilia Hrabar I think (and this could just be a belief) the body has an intelligence so if it wants to rock let it if it is safe to do so. Sometimes I find things overwhelming and i think this could be a current event reminding me of a past situation that I was unable to handle, other times it feels like a connection to pure beauty like a sunset or what seems to be the " free spirit" of an animal.

I find that I am afraid of the sensation of fear. It is quite strange that I am manipulated via patterns of behaviour just to avoid a physical sensation of a constriction in my belly and chest area, which when witnessed is not even painful.

Thanks for the input

Lovely to meet you too. I hope the current situation you're living with resolves peacefully soon.