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Worship Writers Room
39 members • Free
23 contributions to Worship Writers Room
Apr 22 •
Beneath the Cross
Here's a quick first draft of a communion song or song of confession. Sorry to mess up the end of the chorus...guess I'm not sure how it should go. Does it need a bridge? I think I've stolen the melody...?? All help gratefully received! V1] Near to the cross of our Savior We bring our burdens of shame; All that is broken and wanting We lay before him, again. V2] Baring our deep imperfections Here, where Perfection was killed, Pardon and love without limits Flow through the blood that he spilled. CH] Streams of mercy unrestrained Tumble down like holy rain Beneath the cross, Beneath the cross. Strongholds crumble, sweep away In the rushing swells of grace Beneath the cross, Beneath the cross of Jesus. V3] Here he bore cosmic rejection, Justified wrath for mankind. Driven to save his beloved, Christ paid our debt with his life. V4] Nothing can now separate us, Neither the future nor past; Torrents of love spring, unceasing, From the One holding us fast. Streams of mercy…
0 likes • May 14
One last check in on this for now! I ended up finishing a rough draft yesterday afternoon and we sang through it at rehearsal. People were very excited about it and loved your tune/text! Our choir is on break for the summer, so I'll work on this in the background over the next few months. I've attached my rough draft of the choral score, in case you want to give any thoughts/feedback. I've not yet written out the piano score, so I'll be able to flesh out some of those extended harmonies better once the piano is involved. I've also included a short snippet of us singing it! We were down a few key sopranos, so the melody gets lost a bit, but it gives you the gist of the chorus. I think I'll probably try it in Eb, as you suggested! I agree about the color on piano and it would help get a few of those lower notes a bit more volume. I wish I needed to consider string parts! We had two great violinists in our church who have each moved away, so I haven't been able to write for stings in a bit.
0 likes • 4d
I finally had a chance to look at this piece again today! Here is a completed first draft of the piano part and a midi demo. Our choir starts back up at the end of this month, and I'm hoping we can sing this on a Sunday in August or September. I'd love any feedback you have on the score! I caught and fixed a discrepancy between the piano and voices in m. 56, but the changes aren't reflected yet in this score or recording. I changed the piano bass to an E (same rhythm as before) and changed the bass choir part to D-E-D-D-E-D. Looking back, I also realize that we had discussed trying it in Eb! I'll give that a try tomorrow and see how it looks/sounds in that key. Let me know if you have any thoughts or feedback! I've not arranged someone else's composition like this before, so please tell me if there are elements of it that aren't what you had in mind. I made the piano part a bit more driving in a few places to give the choir a consistent pulse, but let me know if you feel like I went too far in that direction! The pianist at our church will obviously play it with much more touch and sensitivity than this midi recording. It also overdoes the ritardandos at the end. Thanks for letting me work on this arrangement! It has been a fun project.
10d •
New verse for “This is My Father’s World”
I was going to lead “this is my father’s world” this Sunday and was thinking about adding this verse for some explicit gospel. If you have any feedback or suggestions or concerns, please let me know! Thank you! This is my father’s world To earth he sent His son To bear my sin, to show his love I join creation’s song This is my Father’s world For birds he cares and feeds Oh how much more he loves his own My shepherd will supply every need
1 like • 10d
I love that you’re doing this, Joel! If it were me, I think I’d try to focus the verse more specifically on either the cross or God’s provision. It feels like the a and b sections are a little disconnected to me right now. I suppose you could start the verse with the theme of provision and then introduce Christ as the ultimate provision, but that might be harder to do. The provision theme fits more naturally into the rest of the text in my opinion, but I know you mentioned wanting a more specific gospel connection! Either way, I think I’d suggest making it the third stanza and still keeping the original third stanza as the fourth/final stanza, if that makes sense!
15d •
Psalm 32 Hiding Place
This has been a tough month with way too much going on, but I've managed to get something down for the challenge. I'm not much of a guitarist, but I don't have a keyboard where I currently am so I borrowed my daughter's little 3/4 classical and did my best. All help/feedback welcome (is the original song too obvious?)! 1] You are my shelter in times of trouble, You are the stronghold that keeps me safe, Holding me steady through every trial; You are my hiding place. 2] You offer peace when the ground is shaking, Rest, though the earth and the sky give way. You will surround me when fires are raging; You are my hiding place. CH] You are my Savior, My rock, my defender. God, my protector, You are my hiding place. You are my hiding place. 3] Even through days when I doubt your goodness, Even though mine is a fragile faith, You hold me fast like a mighty fortress; You are my hiding place. CH 4] Guarding my soul, through my final journey, You'll not abandon me to the grave. Even through death I will keep on singing, “You are my hiding place!”
0 likes • 12d
I really like this, Keiko! The music is so beautiful, and I love the harmonies that you chose. It has an elegance to it that I think suits the lyrics really well. I actually don't know what the original song is! The title made me think of Christ Will Be My Hideaway, but I don't know that song well enough to compare it to this one. In terms of feedback, the only thing that sticks out to me really is the melody line on "God, My Protector". I'd have to sit down and plunk it out to better identify what I'm noticing, but it doesn't flow as neatly for me as the rest of the melody. I feel like all the other spots do exactly what my ear wants them to do (even when it's unexpected, like the "my defender" part) , but that's the one that felt slightly off. Maybe it's just me, though! I think maybe I wanted it to go something like F-E-D-F-E instead of F-E-F-G-C, but that might not work as well with the chords. Thanks for sharing this!
18d •
Be Not Discouraged (Hymn for Feedback)
Hey everyone! This is a new hymn I’m working on. I just started it yesterday, so I’d love any thoughts you have on where it could be improved. In addition to feedback on the text, I’d also love your input on what tune to use for it. I think I’ve narrowed it down to two options, both of which are already familiar to our congregation. I’ve uploaded a recording of me singing the lyrics to each tune, so I’d love to hear which you think suits the text better! BEACH SPRING is one of my favorite public domain tunes, and ROAN ROAD is one that I wrote. The recordings are just to show the tunes, so I'd probably do a tag or something else musical at the end of each one to make the ending feel less abrupt. REVISED TEXT (6/25) Oh, my soul, be not discouraged By the trials that you face For your Shepherd goes before you And has numbered all your days. He will guide you through the tempest, He will guard you from the flame, He will keep you from all evil, He will hold you in His grace. Oh, my soul, be not disheartened By this life’s uncertainties For your Shepherd knows your weakness And supplies your every need. He who clothes and feeds the sparrows Will provide your daily bread. He will give you strength and wisdom, He will lift your weary head. Come, my soul, and lay your burdens At the faithful Shepherd’s feet. Bring your grief and bring your failures, Bring your troubles and defeats. He will bear your every sorrow As He bore your every sin; He who bled for your redemption Calls you now to rest in Him. --- ORIGINAL TEXT (6/24) Oh, my soul, be not discouraged By the trials that you face For your Shepherd goes before you And has numbered all your days. He will guide you through the tempest, He will guard you from the flame, He will keep you from all evil, He will hold you in His grace. Oh, my soul, be not disheartened By the things you cannot see; For your Shepherd knows your weakness And supplies your every need. He who clothes and feeds the sparrows Will provide your daily bread.
1 like • 18d
@Keiko Ying This is such helpful feedback! Thanks for taking the time to respond. I hadn't considered "things you cannot see" being taken multiple ways, but it's a fair point. I was trying to get at the idea of not being able to see where things are going or why they are happening a certain way. I'll have to think about a way to potentially make that clearer. Your suggestions for verse 3 are excellent, and I think they've helped me clarify what the verse needs to be about. You're totally right that I had doubled up on almost the exact same phrasing about meeting needs. I also think your instinct about swapping out "sins" there is probably right. I think I was concerned about not minimizing sin in terms of what makes up our "burden", but the song already addresses the reality of sin at the end of the stanza, and it's less about sin and more about trials/sorrows in this particular moment. I'm still in the revision process, but I think I'm going to move forward with this version for now: Come, my soul and lay your burdens At the faithful Shepherd's feet Bring your griefs and bring your failures, Bring your troubles and defeats. He will bear your every sorrow As He bore your every sin He who bled for your redemption Calls you now to rest in Him. Thanks again for your feedback!
22d •
Psalm 11
I wrote these lyrics in response to meditation on Psalm 11. It's a simple 5 stanza hymn with a basic meter and rhyme-scheme. My recommendation is to read Psalm 11 first and then read the hymn. Also, I don't have a melody yet so if anyone is inspired to write one I'd love to hear what people come up with! The shadows hide a hateful foe We know his aim, we fear his bow An earthly refuge calls to us But heaven's King shall be our trust We shall not flee to mountain high Nor shall we leave this world and hide For though the wicked foe assail, Our true foundation shall not fail We do not stand on earth or stone But in the care of heaven's throne Where God the Judge of all presides And sees our plight with loving eyes His hand shall bring the wicked low With fire and wind and every woe For He shall save His righteous saints The upright shall behold His face Yet who are we to claim such grace? For we are of that wicked race Behold! Our God brought low for us That we might own His righteousness!
0 likes • 18d
Thanks for sharing this, Jacob! I think it's really nice overall. I especially love the third stanza! In terms of tune, I think it could potentially work well with the folk hymn tune "O Waly, Waly"! It's used for a wide variety of songs and is flexible across musical styles. We sing several texts to it at our church and it is a favorite for many people! If you aren't familiar with it, here's a recording of a group using it for "When I Survey The Wondrous Cross": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTJHd51FIfQ In terms of revising the text, I just have a few initial thoughts! 1). This varies from church to church, but I'm always hesitant about 5 stanza hymns feeling too long! Our congregation starts to tap out around 4 stanzas usually, but maybe y'all are more patient than us haha. A few of these stanzas are capturing similar ideas in different language, so I do think you could feasibly condense it to 4 stanzas if you felt like that would serve your setting better. You can be the judge of that! 2). I'm normally not a stickler about rhyme vs. slant rhyme, but the final couplet stuck out to me as a little distracting! Maybe it's just me, but I found myself instinctively trying to say "righteous-nus" in a weird accent to rhyme with "us" from the previous line. 3). I love the more elevated register (and I usually write texts similar in style to this), but there are a few spots where the language pulled me out a bit. For instance, I wonder if changing the last line of stanza 3 to "And looks on us with loving eyes" or something like that might convey the same idea without having to use "plight".
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