Why I feeling drain and so down all day. It like i just feel like i am not good enough. I feel like crying all day but didn't. I want for a small walk that help a little but the feeling is still there stuck. I just want to have a good day. I know soon I will go to bed. I will do some of my diamond art maybe put music on that is calming. I am on my grounding mat.

For my brain, and maybe yours, it can easily be distracted by both external and INTERNAL distractions. Today will be day 38 of my car routine. Why haven't I done it already? Because I HAD to get food at a certain time. However, when I got back with the groceries, my body actually remembered the routine. Meaning, I realized oh I haven't eaten or drank any water yet! And the pull of the routine/streak is what allowed me to say "set a timer for 20 minutes, LEAVE the groceries on the floor, and the FIRST thing you're going to do is take your vitamins, drink some water, and eat some protein". And it wasn't easy. I'm soo used to being neglected that it takes a lot of WORK for me to remember that I even exist! But I did it! And I'm sharing this in the hopes it can help someone else.🥰 One mantra I'm trying hard to use (when possible) is BODY FIRST. What do I mean? I mean that for my own survival I had to live entirely in my head. But the body WILL break down if we don't pay attention to it. So, my new method I'm installing is that BEFORE I make any decisions, "body first". "Have I drank water?" This is a HUGE one. Our brains are made of a lot of water. This really does make a massive difference for me so I would highly suggest looking at this one seriously. What I currently do to work WITH my brain is I have a huge jug and I first fill that up. I add supergreens packet to it and call it my swamp water 🤣. And then I pour from that jug throughout the day. The jug itself is a constant visual reminder that my daily water is there. And I can either drink directly from it or pour it into a cup (it is kind of heavy). So I also have a goal to have at least one cup of water an hour. The jug also lets me know "if I drink this entire jug today, that guarantees I have drank at least 80 oz water. "Have I eaten protein lately?" This is also a HUGE one for me that I never knew. "Are my shoulders up?" Why do I want to ask myself that? Because for me, if shoulders are up, that means I'm "on alert". And we weren't meant to be "on alert" 24/7 😅 so that is a bodily cue for me that I'm carrying stress.

Today. What is something you can be proud of yourself for TODAY? 🥰

I have started a new habit in an attempt to save my life. I am on day 15. To say it is terrifying and grueling js an understatement. Yet, I see how it is keeping me hanging on. Just wanted to say i love you guys.