Scottās Breakthrough Story
I was three years old when my parents left me on the side of a highway in a ditch for misbehaving. Not just my dadāboth of them. They drove away while I stood there barefoot, crying, trying to chase the car. For years, my mom would retell the story like it was a comedy bitāāRemember when we left you in the ditch?!āāand everyone would laugh. But I wasnāt laughing. That moment branded itself into my nervous system: If Iām not good, Iāll be left. That was the day I learned how to disappear. From that point on, I became a shapeshifter. The kid who did everything right. The one who made sure everyone else was okay so they wouldnāt leave. I learned that love was something to earn, not something that just was. My worth became conditional. My love became transactional. My safety became performance. By my teens, I was fluent in people-pleasing. By adulthood, I was a 10th-degree black belt in itāreading the room before I could read a book. If someone was upset, it was my fault. If something went wrong, I took the blame. If I wanted to be loved, I had to perform for it. On the outside, I looked like the ānice guy.ā Easygoing. Agreeable. Always smiling. But inside, I was terrifiedāhaunted by the fear that if I wasnāt perfect, Iād be left behind again. In friendships, I became whatever people needed me to be to keep the peace. In relationships, I confused passivity for kindness, thinking compliance was love. My life became an endless loop of seeking validationāthrough women, work, and approval. The external chase dulled the inner ache, but it never healed it. I was the adult still trying to prove to a three-year-old boy that he was safe. After that first awakening, I tried to rebuildābut I was still doing it from survival mode. I was still chasing connection from the same old wound, still trying to earn love instead of embody it. So, in my confusion, I did what wounded men doāI sought comfort in a woman. She was spiritual, nurturing, wise⦠everything I thought I needed. But I wasnāt ready for conscious love. I wasnāt looking for a partnerāI was looking for a mother to fix me.