This was a conversation my husband and I had just yesterday. We both desperately just need time alone to breathe. So far this summer we have had to take a trip for a weekend that left us exhausted. This trip turned into taking 2 of our grandkids for 2 weeks this summer. They are 9 and 4. We thought about it for a while and decided we had not seen them as much as we would like so we would do this. We had big expectations of what it was going to be like that was quickly replaced with chaos, hectic unorganized days, lots of breakdowns from not getting what they want, and I miss my mom and dad. Needless to say the 2 weeks turned into a tiresome chore quickly. Then there was another trip to take them back home. We got home to breathe but the grandchild that lives near us wanted to see grandma and papa so we made that happen. She is 3. Then I received a call from my mother that she wants to come visit for a couple weeks. My mother cant walk so we need to drive to get her several states away and then take her back after the trip is over. AND she wants to bring my aunt too. All the while we are receiving phone calls from our 4 children daily and our oldest grandchild who is pregnant with our great grandbaby. Though we love to hear from them, it is hard to get alone time and breathe when there are so many interruptions. But every time I answer the phone anyway because what if they really need something instead of just to talk? Or what if just talking is really what they need at the moment and they chose us because the rest of the world is busy? My family wasn't there for me while growing up and I am still not very close to my mom. The relationship with my mom has gotten even worse now that my dad has passed. I want my relationship with my kids and grandkids to be different. So as tired as I am, I will not stop answering the phone. I will not stop showing up for them all. I dont want them to think calling me or coming by is a nuisance and that they are bothering me. I want them to always remember that no matter what the situation, good or bad, I was always there for them. So I will rest when I'm dead and in the meantime I will show up with bags under my eyes and a smile on my face to know they were thinking of me.

I am a person that doesn't always absorb others emotions or choices. I do still have compassion for them but I see the world as black and white with very little Grey areas. I feel as though everyone has their own path to follow. I am not the one to tell you what is right or wrong. Any decision you make will have consequences and they could be good or bad. But they are YOUR consequences. I am here if you need an ear or help in some way but I am standing back to let you walk your own path. I also expect everyone to do the same for me. Living in a black and white world for me means you will always have at least 2 choices. Not always 2 good choices or 1 good and 1 bad so that its clear which one to make. Regardless you will always have 2 choices. The one you choose directs your life. Black and white is a direct choice. Ex. Do you want to come to the store with me? Yes or no. Not maybe. Simple example I know but still black or white. It basically means there are no in between answers. You either do or you dont. I always see a definite yes or no in everything I do. I rarely see an in-between. So yes I stay in my lane, allow others to help themselves with their own lives, and only get involved if asked and even then its me just suggesting an out for them. They still have to make their choices and do the work while I observe.

I have always said that no one or nothing can make a person truly happy as we believe. It is within the person themselves that creates happiness. You can choose to be happy with what you have within yourself or you can choose to be miserable and try to drag the rest of the world around you down. The choice is always yours. To find happiness within ourselves, my family while my kids were growing up, at the dinner table every night took turns telling everyone 3 things that had happened that day that were positive. As a child this challenged their little brains sometimes but it was always a good reminder that as bad as it may seem you can always find positive and happiness. My kids as adults today still practice this as do my husband and I.

I love this concept. I have an ingredient house when it comes to food. I have been very intentional about this but I now need to look at the rest of my life as you said. Just as a quick overview I see many changes that need to be made.

This is a topic my husband and I talk about often. We check in with each other just to make sure we are seeing, acknowledging, and appreciating what is being done by each other and not just taking things for granted, which can make a person feel used at times. There are several things that we have just came to expect each other to do over the course of our 37 year marriage. I automatically expect gas to be in the truck when I go somewhere (bad habit is that I never even look at the gas gauge unless he tells me), the yard to be sprayed, the groceries to be brought in, and the bed to be made to name a few. He expects his lunch to be made, the meals to be planned and cooked, and any vacation details to be made. We have so many things we now just do daily because thats our "job". Never assigned. Just over time has become what we do for each other to be partners. But these are just things in life needing to be done and we each play a part. We still need to feel needed. By each other. There seems to be a human need to know someone needs you. Not for what you can do but for who you are. I need my husband to need me mind, body, and soul. Deep down. And he feels the same way. I dont just need what he can do for me. I am a very independent woman after being with him while serving rhe military for 26 years. I promise I've tackled it all. I need him as a man, as a person, my life depends on this man being in my life.