Hi chaps. Im Dan. married for almost 10 years, 2 girls 2 and 7. My wife and I have been having on / off problems since having kids, but it's always been smoothed over in-between. Lots of happy times. She is perimenopausal and recently started HRT which has had a dramatic effect. However, I realise I have been blind to many things over the years and have not had the tools to listen to her and what she has been saying on and off. Im in total disbelief the situation I find myself in, but the writing was on the wall, I just didn't believe it could happen, I always blamed her hormones. I am now being accountable for my side in this - she says she lost herself in the marriage, and that I have been gaslighting her unintentionally, to the point where she started to not trust her own judgement. Heartbreaking as I was only ever try to help, but with a dominant personality and ignorant to things such as emotional safety and empathetic listening. I always felt I knew her better than she knew herself... and now look where I am. My drinking had beomce an issue also, and there was an instance where I got drunk all night whilst looking after the kids and she has never forgiven me for that. that is when she said something broke in her.o I do feel I am now on the path to becoming a better man - I'm sober, undertaken a coaching course and therapy and working out loads, as well as taking up new a new hobby in the form of kickboxing. I have had a few relationship chats with my wife...I didn't instigate per se, but I segued into them from any chat that was close to it. I have listened, mirrored and validated her hurts and anger and why she says she needs this separation. We are now in a kid rota which is hard as I don't get to see my beautiful girls half as much as I would like, and we have cancelled all our summer plans which is sad. However, on the positive, my wife has said she sees the changes I am making, that I seem calm and more stable, and we are regularly communicating and even had some family fun moments together. But she is protective of her boundaries and worries about relaxing them too much and falling back into old ways. I am not too sure I have fully accepted the marriage is over yet, I'm stuck in a loop of acceptance, denial, disbelief, grief, positivity, anxiety and pain, over and over. It's the hardest thing I have ever been through by a country mile. Looking forward to getting involved in this group more and hearing from other men in similar situations. I am hopeful Marks couching might provide me with the framework I need to grow and become the man I need to be, as well as when to say things and not say things!

So I understand that I am in a much luckier position than most here now but as my wife turned 50 last week it has made her think a lot about where she is at and what she thinks. She has been overwhelmed by the support for her over her birthday and has started to realise that a mixture of that and menopause etc has been clouding her views. She wants us to really work at it and is being a lot more receptive toward me. I am aware that this is just one small step and that I need to keep my focus and continue to work on not just myself but also at our relationship with my wife. Stay positive all and keep the focus on you, what you are doing and how that effects your relationships.

Hi All, as an introduction to me and what is happening. Myself and my wife will have been married 25 years in September. In November last year, on a walk she asked me if I thought we were drifting apart. I said no as I honestly did not think we were. A brief chat ensued where she thought we were and mentioned things about me that annoyed her. I said I would take action but earlier this year during a few words at bed time she said she felt she did not love me any more. I immediately went defensive and a long argument/discussion ensued. Since then I have increased focus on my previous failings and have given her as much space as possible and this week she is away with friends as part of her 50th birthday celebrations. I have also been reading lots of resources and have spoken to a therapist and lifestyle coach recently and feel in a better place personally. I am hoping that being away has given her a lot of the space she needed but am obviously aware that I cannot expect much change in a short period of time though recently I have seen positive glimpses.