So lunch today went really well. He treated, and the the entire time we were relaxed together and in good conversation. He is a talker, so I simply listened while working at the things that I know are important - being open minded, not judging, not asking too many questions, respecting the boundaries are the main things on my mind going into today's lunch. He lives not far from me, however I had not seen him for about 8 weeks after he and I had some friction early this year during a time when he had to stay with me for 6 weeks after he sustained a shoulder injury. We bumped heads a little while he was here. When he healed up and went back to his place, I knew (per my daughter) that I needed to give him his space, therefore that is exactly what I did. Growing and learning every day and blessed to be able to work on transforming me. It isn't always easy, but I am committed to the process. Just wanted to do some sharing!

Warning…This is a long one! I am not offended if you don’t read all. My middle daughter and I are in Orlando. I am so grateful for the modules 1-3 and Catherine lecture Tuesday May 5th! Day 1 “I put my ears on”. My daughter stressed with her work that she literally arrived at our long planned Disney restbit “unhinged” and disrespectful to the workers at the airport when she picked me up. She had an arrogant, I deserve everything attitude. We got into the car and she continued ranting. I just paused until the rant was over. Then I just parroted back “It sounds like to me your trip here was very stressful and you didn’t stop a long way and make sure that you had meals or even water am I right?” she agreed. Then I said how about we solve that problem first what are you hungry for? Day 2 As we we’re entering Universal Epoch Studios, She became unhinged again. This time the rant went in for longer and when it was over I paused again. This time I was box breathing because of the rant was personal. ( ignoring the personal insults of my adopted 33-year-old) What came out was, “ so what I hear you saying is that your job is so stressful that you feel like you have no place of peace?” she said yes, then I responded with “ Have you considered what options you’d like to take with that?” she calmed down and I did my best to give her space to think. She spun up two more times in the park. And I used the same tactic. I did eventually fail. And at the end of the evening, when she dressed me down for in the line to the bathroom “Didn’t you just go to the bathroom 15 minutes ago?” So I lost my resolve at 10pm and said “there’s no need to embarrass me in front of this line of people.” And I walked to find another restroom. And instead of following along behind. She left the park, while I was in the restroom. Without any text message or telling me where she went. It was closing time and she abandoned me. With no way to get to the hotel and not even an address for it. She finally answered the text message and told me she went to the car. I had to ask where the car was and with no signs in the parking she to get walk back to find me.

I put in practice the information from module one this past weekend with my oldest son I can honestly say what a complete difference it has made. I wasn’t peppering him with questions or trying to manage his life and instead we had such a peaceful and relaxing visit, and I can tell that he felt very heard and accepted. We went to get some ice cream and on the way he picked me up in his car and when I put down the visor on the passenger side, some paper fell out. I went to put it back and he asked me to take a look at it here it was a letter I had written him telling him how much I loved him several years ago, as well as as a list of positive attributes I had wrote about him and given him many years ago. It was such a blessing to see that and know that he treasures that and looks at frequently.

I was encouraged with the definition of. resilience. Sometimes I think I am not that far a long. What I got from this discussion is, as long as I am moving forward, taking steps (even if they are tiny ones) I m winning, I'm not stuck. Sometimes we are hard on ourselves.

We went a year and a half without talking due to her request that she needed time. We have been reconnecting for the last nine months. I shared with her my wrongdoing and expectations and how she might not feel that I always loved her. We made huge breakthroughs. I received an email today that she has not been honest with me and she has regressed and is falling back into her old cycles of negative self talk and panic attacks and feeling like I’m controlling her life, yet the only thing I can think of is that she committed to meeting our friends who were in town from Arizona and she backed out at the last minute, and I was so disappointed yet I didn’t say that to her, but I’m sure she felt it. I have been following the seven no Essentials and I am just broken. She said she will email me once a month but I’m not to reach out to her. Her birthday is in June and she doesn’t want to see me, but it’s OK for me to give her presence through her grandma. She just learned that I am engaged and she told me she was so happy for me and congratulated me, but now she said that wasn’t true. I am floundering and trying to figure out what I did wrong and what I could’ve changed. I know that I can’t control her, but my mama heart is just breaking. She said she still loves me and appreciates me but she feels obligated to have a relationship with me and she wants to do that out of desire and not obligation. She’s only 23 and I feel like she’s so confused. As I write this, I think that I just need to keep working on myself and be patient with her. The time and distance apart scares me.