If you previously told your betrayed partner, “There were no emotions involved,” it is not too late to correct that answer. As you reflect more deeply on your infidelity, you will remember feelings and recognize emotional experiences that you did not understand—or were unwilling to admit—when you were first confronted. Going back and correcting an incomplete answer is not changing your story. It is demonstrating deeper awareness and a willingness to tell the truth. Inside the Nine Stages of Infidelity Method™, this requires examining: - Stage Two: Emotional Effect — What did you feel before and during the infidelity? - Stage Three: Interpretation — What did those emotions cause you to believe? - Stage Four: Desire — What emotional experience were you trying to receive? You may have felt excited, desired, validated, admired, comforted, confident, understood, connected, or temporarily free from stress. Those emotions do not excuse your actions. Identifying them helps you understand what drove your actions so you can learn to respond differently. How to begin the conversation Do not wait for your partner to question you again. Initiate the conversation yourself and say: “There is something I need to tell you after reflecting more deeply on my infidelity. I previously told you that there were no emotions involved, but I now realize that was not completely true.” Then continue: “I have realized that I felt excited, validated, desired, and comforted by the attention I was receiving. I did not understand or admit those emotions when we first discussed what happened.” Make it clear that you are taking responsibility: “These emotions do not justify what I did. They help me understand what I was seeking and why I allowed myself to continue crossing boundaries.” Explain why you are correcting your answer: “I am telling you this because I do not want to keep giving you surface-level answers. You deserve the truth, and I need to become more honest about what was happening inside me.”

Hi I'm steven from the uk i am new at this im here to try and fix and heal my marriage after 18 years lying and betrayal.

Hello all ! I am a student of Michael’s Nine Stages Method and i would like to recommend him and his trainings to anyone who is interested in real change. MIchael has helped me unpack my core issues and old wounds and patterns which have hindered me till now. I have been able to understand my patterns of cheating and how i justified my behavior. I am becoming a new man and i owe Michael a debt of gratitude.

Which Free Live Training Can You Commit to Attending? I am preparing to offer live training sessions inside the Nine Stages Method community. These sessions will help you understand your patterns, apply the Nine Stages to your own behavior, ask questions, and continue creating permanent change. Please vote for the time you can realistically commit to attending consistently. Poll options: - Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Pacific Time - Sundays at 5:00 PM Pacific Time - I can attend either time - Neither time works for me

When your spouse becomes triggered, your first instinct may be to explain, reassure, apologize, or make the conversation end. But reassurance given before understanding often feels empty. Use UVR: UNDERSTAND — 80% OF THE CONVERSATION Slow down and investigate what is happening inside your spouse. Ask: “What came up for you just now?” “What did this situation make you think might be happening?” “What are you most afraid this could mean?” “Is there something else underneath that?” Do not interrupt, correct details, defend yourself, or prepare your response. Stay in understanding until there is nothing left for them to explain. VALIDATE Validation is more than saying, “I understand why you feel that way.” Carefully repeat what you heard: “What I’m hearing is that when I came home late without communicating, it reminded you of the times I was hiding things. You felt anxious because you didn’t know where I was, and it made you afraid that I could still be deceiving you. Is that accurate?” When you can clearly explain what they are feeling and why they are feeling it, they feel heard—not managed. RESOLVE AND REASSURE Do not assume you know what will make them feel safe. Include them: “What can I do right now that would help reassure you?” “What could I do differently if this situation happens again?” Then make a clear commitment: “Next time I am running late, I will contact you before you have to ask. I understand that proactive communication is part of rebuilding safety.” WEEKEND EXERCISE Ask your spouse to share one recent trigger. Remain in understanding for at least five minutes before offering any explanation or solution. Your goal is not to end their feelings. Your goal is to understand them well enough that you can repeat their experience back accurately and then work with them to create reassurance. Real change is trained—not promised.