Hi Jenn. I loved that you loved building it. You were so excited from the start. Even if it was the smallest thing I would be happy for you. But that project would be HUGE for me. Ngl. Good to have or ask for support. I did buy wood-cutting tools and realized I needed the knowledge. It's not that easy, I feel you about that. (you may read the rest at your convinient time, lol) This weekend I had such a shift in energy which gave me a lot of insight into what you felt here. First I had no energy, felt life was pointless in that I'm tired of just producing. My value can't be in that. I'm learning how to get out of the matrix "you have to study and get ahead to be someone," a perfectly normal Indian dad's demand. Once I blurted that to someone else, much older than me. He paused and rejected the notion without hesitation. That person had a business, never studied, but in his reaction I saw what he saw, the rejection of the self in my upbringing, of just being. It's atrocious. The rejection of gut instinct, of self direction, of being self sustaining, and of life itself. Linked to that, this weeked, sewing (my passion) mending a couple of clothes, creating the flower (the first time in my life sewing a flower) gave me such direction and life. I went from the feeling from down under a bus to focused and driven (internal locus of control) and returning to do my regular duty-full tasks full of joy. I even got that energy right now. Even this writing process is shedding light how living an external locus of control has been driving me nuts. I read about those two opposing concepts in psychology more than a decade ago and now I'm this old and am realizing I am living in them. Getting out of the subconscious rat-hole has not been easy but definitely worth it. I even thought about starting my day sewing but this contradicts my fear ...and living standard of doing "what the most important of the day first or ELSE the whole day goes to a rut and you're not productive." I didn`t do anything productive (money-earningwise) today, I think. LOL.

🤗 welcome!

I was inspired to play my guitar. Thanks to you guys 🙏 😊.

@Jenny Landis I forgot how much I wanted a guitar years ago but everyday tasks took over. I even painted cherry red this guitar in covid. I love it so much. I can practice different finger exercises everyday. It doesn't have to be perfect.