Yesterday was tough. I was in my feelings and thinking to much. Glad I was at work. I was just thinking about the relationship and the closeness we once had, missing my wife, her touch. Got home and I hit the weights to ease my mind. Later we were sitting and conversing, I asked if she wanted her feet rubbed, her response was no I don’t think we should do that anymore since your (me) love language is touch and I don’t want you to think that means anything for the relationship bc it’d be unfair for you. I told her it wasn’t about an outcome, no big deal, and I just let it go. I feel like she’s really testing to see how I’ll react, there were a few times over the weekend that I feel were test. On Friday I noticed she was doing some figures for her own place, like she wanted me to see that’s what she was doing, but also in a way she didn’t want me seeing bc she closed up the notebook. I calmly said hey seems like you need time to yourself and walked away. I know time is in my favor and I’ve got to continue the focus on myself. At times our brain will lean to why are you even trying. I’m trying and doing for ME! Also should I try giving her more space since we’re living in the same house??

Currently going through an amicable break up (her instigation NOT mine), we haven’t had any arguments, but we’ve hurt each-other a lot in the past. I’m a violent alcoholic. She’s been unfaithful. A lot of water under the bridge. But I know for sure she’s not fully checked out.