My name is Keith, I've been with my wife for 33 years and coming up on our 30 year marriage in October. I recently turned 50 a couple weeks ago and my wife found out that day about an online emotional affair I'd been having with a fellow coworker from 7 years ago. Though not a physical relationship, it was worse and an emotional one and very hard to watch her read all those conversations we had. I've been asleep at the wheel for quite sometime and never took the opportunity to join a community or support group to fix myself as a person. I'm hear to become a better man and better father and possibly win my wife back though i don't think that's possible anymore but i won't give up the fight as I truly do love her, I just haven't been there for her. Looking forward to working with you all.

After everyone So I think I could get any lower than I am now all my situation any worse. I’m eight weeks in and it’s been a very up-and-down eight weeks. We’ve had some okay days we’ve had some good days. We’ve had some very bad days. However, this past week I have really struggled mentally and emotionally. Everything came to head on Thursday. I was at work, working from home and I just crumbled I didn’t want to be here anymore and so I phoned this Samaritans reached out to them broke down and explained. I have nothing so what’s the point of carrying on? I would never ever do that and take my because at the end of the day I lose too much but the main reason is I’m too weak and a coward to even do anything like that But I was broken I just didn’t wanna be here My wife came home that evening and we were talking normal. It was going okay and then it was time for me to leave the house. She said goodbye which I fully heard but I was going out into the Hall to get my bits and I was coming back stupidly I should’ve just said I’ll be back in a second or acknowledge that but I didn’t. She then thought I was ignoring her because whilst I was out in my hallway, she shouted again goodbye answer because I didn’t hear she then got those irate and said why am I ignoring her? And which of course I wasn’t intentionally. I then just broke did go back into my old ways. I used to have a bit of a temper problem. I guess I still do. My son was also around. I will never forgive myself for doing all of this in front of him. I lashed out kicking the wall kicking a stair gate and punching the door multiple times. I then just sank to the floor and broke down crying shaking saying I just want my wife. I just want my wife. I don’t know why this week has been so hard. I think the previous week I was away and didn’t see my wife for a week and then coming home to a real reality that I don’t wanna face and it’s just been harder and harder every day where it eventually finally got to me and I just absolutely as I said

Yesterday was tough. I was in my feelings and thinking to much. Glad I was at work. I was just thinking about the relationship and the closeness we once had, missing my wife, her touch. Got home and I hit the weights to ease my mind. Later we were sitting and conversing, I asked if she wanted her feet rubbed, her response was no I don’t think we should do that anymore since your (me) love language is touch and I don’t want you to think that means anything for the relationship bc it’d be unfair for you. I told her it wasn’t about an outcome, no big deal, and I just let it go. I feel like she’s really testing to see how I’ll react, there were a few times over the weekend that I feel were test. On Friday I noticed she was doing some figures for her own place, like she wanted me to see that’s what she was doing, but also in a way she didn’t want me seeing bc she closed up the notebook. I calmly said hey seems like you need time to yourself and walked away. I know time is in my favor and I’ve got to continue the focus on myself. At times our brain will lean to why are you even trying. I’m trying and doing for ME! Also should I try giving her more space since we’re living in the same house??

Currently going through an amicable break up (her instigation NOT mine), we haven’t had any arguments, but we’ve hurt each-other a lot in the past. I’m a violent alcoholic. She’s been unfaithful. A lot of water under the bridge. But I know for sure she’s not fully checked out.