𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗕𝗘𝗚𝗜𝗡𝗦 So the new chapter has begun. We are finally in Bali. This has been a long time coming. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗜𝗧 𝗡𝗢 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗧𝗔𝗟𝗞𝗦 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 The lead up to being here has been one hell of a ride. We have had lots of highs and lows in the few months that we were getting ready to come. My plan originally was to document everything, but chaos hit, overwhelm hit, and dysregulation hit. In all honesty, I wasn't able to string a sentence together, let alone do any form of videos or writing to keep everyone updated on our travels and our journey. 𝗪𝗛𝗬 𝗜’𝗠 𝗦𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗪 I will be documenting the journey here on my blog and everywhere else because I know we're not the only people to go through these things. I know there are other people wanting to make big moves or big life changes like this, knowing how to honour yourself and come back to yourself when needed, and actually letting go of certain things at times when pressure gets too high. 𝗪𝗘’𝗥𝗘 𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 We are on our second full day in Bali, and we arrived three days ago. I have to say I feel like I'm at home. This just feels like, yeah, my place. 𝗟𝗜𝗟𝗬’𝗦 𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗙𝗧 (𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗪𝗢𝗪… 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗛𝗜𝗧 𝗠𝗘) Lily has settled really well. She's loving it here and said that she feels very calm and is shocked by how calm she feels and has really enjoyed kind of seeing the little bits around like children, walking the streets without adults present, just everyone being so friendly and happy. The warmth obviously makes a really big difference: the sunshine, the having a pool. It's just all really surreal for her at the moment, and I'm sure that she's going to have lots of highs and lows, but I already know that this was definitely the right move to make for her. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗜𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗦 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 Bringing her to a different country is a huge thing and one no parent would take lightly, but for me, knowing that she can start to get settled, find her feet, make friends, and go out is just phenomenal, absolutely phenomenal. She's even been happy for me to leave her at the villa where I go off and do things that needed to be done, like sorting out the internet or going to the shop or going to get food. Before, she would always have to come with me. She wouldn't feel safe enough to be left at home when we were in the UK, but here she's happy to be left, which is a big revelation for us, a huge one.

HOW IT STARTED. Day zero. The dreaded day of travel. I actually woke up with my anxiety pretty settled, which surprised me, but the morning itself was a bit of a rush. I didn’t get much sleep before travelling, which always happens because I get a bit giddy and wired and just can’t switch off, and that’s kind of cool in its own way. I finally went to bed around 2 o’clock in the morning at my daughter Rachel’s, which is when the cats decided they were suddenly very comfortable in the house and started being absolute dickheads, running around like lunatics. Jennifer decided that anything left on any surface was absolutely not allowed and needed to be knocked off immediately because obviously it was her space now. THE MIRROR INCIDENT. I was just drifting off to sleep at about 2:30am when I heard a noise and then a mirror fell on me while I was laying in bed. This wasn’t a small mirror either, it was a huge, heavy mirror, like a big IKEA wardrobe door mirror, and oh my god. One of my feet was sort of up, toes pointing towards the ceiling, and the mirror landed straight on my big toe. I genuinely think I might have broken it because I couldn’t move it and it went quite numb. I had to call Racheal, who was sleeping in the front room, to come and move the mirror because it was literally flat on top of me and I couldn’t move. Racheal found this absolutely hilarious. She was wetting herself laughing at the fact that I rang her saying a mirror had fallen on me, and she thought I was sleep talking until she came in and actually saw the mirror lying on top of me. We’re a family that laughs in awkward situations, so yeah, she was laughing her head off and then we both tried to get back to sleep but couldn’t because we were just giggling about the mirror casually deciding to rest on me. I don’t even know what time I finally fell asleep, but I was awake again at 6am. THE MORNING BIT. Morning coffee got made, I made Rachel a coffee, and just potted about a little while she got sorted for school and headed off. Lils went with her on the school run but then came back with me, which was really nice. Cirilla stayed with me and we had some proper cuddles, which doesn’t happen very often, and she’s been poorly so she was in a really cuddly mood, which was lovely.

AND WOW… THIS IS IT. One day to go and the excitement has really hit today, like full-on kid at Christmas vibes. It’s all getting real now. I’m actually going and weirdly the nerves have subsided and all the amazing feelings are just sitting there instead. That surprised me, but I’m not mad about it. TODAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS. I started the day doing a bit of work and then realised I needed to do a proper deep clean indoors. I had workmen come out and do some more boiler stuff, even though it’s new and already has a problem, but that’s a story for another day. Then it was all about getting everything together and sorted to head over to my second daughter’s this evening. Lily decided she didn’t want to go to cadets today because she felt it would be too much on top of the travel and honestly that was totally fine. We had a bit of chill time in the afternoon before everything kicked off. ENTER: LAST-MINUTE CHAOS. When it came to getting ready to leave, it was just pure rush and chaos. All the last-minute bits, making sure everything was by the front door, booking the taxi, and then… the cats. Getting the cats into their carriers was a whole fucking debacle. Two of them were actually really good and went straight into their carriers no problem. Freya, however, absolutely was not having it. She was adamant she was not going in that carrier and we ended up chasing her around the house for a good 20 minutes. Lily’s got cuts all over her arm from where she managed to catch her and got scratched, and I’ve got a big cut from my hand all the way up my arm which is pretty deep, so that was not ideal. We eventually caught her, but she was really stressed and I hated that, but it had to be done. Oh and Biscuit decided to be an escape artiest, she managed to open the zip on her carrier and do a Houdini. AND THEN… THE TAXI JOURNEY. So we finally get in the taxi, everything loaded up, cats in their carriers in the back with us, and this is where it gets interesting. Hetica was getting really stressed, so I was trying to calm her down and stroke her through the carrier. She then scratched me through the carrier, bit me through the carrier, and decided halfway through the journey that she was going to shit herself.

Four days to go until I leave the UK, but actually three days until I leave my home because I’m taking Lils to her sister’s the night before. It also makes things a little bit closer for my train journey, so we’re staying there for the night, and it feels good for Lils to have me there for the first night at her sister’s before I head off the next day. TODAY WAS DIFFERENT. Today has been a little bit of a different day. We slowed it right down. We did housework that needed to be done. We spent a lot of time together, just me and Lils. We watched some films and had a laugh, which was really nice, and we both needed it. I think it’s been a lot on both of us. Both of our neurodiversity, both of our anxiety, and all of the big changes that are happening have really kicked us in the arse over the last week or so. But today it felt like things were starting to gently fall into place. LITTLE LIFE BITS GETTING SORTED. I ordered my granddaughter’s birthday present, which should be with her tomorrow on her birthday. That felt good. Another thing ticked off. WHERE I’M AT WITH THE TRIP. I feel ready now for this trip. I’ve got everything sorted and planned the best that I can. One of the things I’m really trying to do with this trip to Bali is not being an over-planner and going with the flow, because I know Bali is very much a chilled, go-with-the-flow kind of place. That’s what I’m hoping to experience while I’m there, not being so rigid with pre-planning everything in advance. We’ll see how that goes. Keep reading and you’ll see how that unfolds as time goes on. TODAY’S ENERGY. Today has just been a really, really nice chill day. Yesterday I ordered some Ashwagandha to help with my anxiety and sleeping because it’s been horrific and I’m exhausted, mentally and physically. Trying to plan everything and focus has been a real challenge for me. I took one of the Ashwagandha earlier and I’ve got to say, it’s working really well. My thoughts feel a lot quieter. We’ll see what happens come bedtime, but right now I feel nice and relaxed, chilled out, and not plagued by constant thoughts brushing through my head like they normally do.