Last night, I got lucid and decided to braid the hair of my grieving friend in order to ease my own grief. This is just one of the many snippets of my experience with lucid dreaming, the ability to be aware that you're dreaming while you're dreaming. And you might think - so what? Dreams are frivolous. But did you know that lucid dreaming is used in therapeutic purposes, and to train complex movement? Because of its high ability to rewire our brain, this practice is increasingly being studied and used across therapy sessions, including in my own one-on-one work. I made a video and course page on the science of lucid dreaming, go check it out. What is your experience with lucid dreaming? Did you experience it as a child and now have trouble accessing dream recall? We can talk this and other dreamwork topics at the biweekly Dream Circle happening here in one hour! See the Classroom tab for the link, see you soon!

Here's something most people don't know. The term "revenge bedtime procrastination" isn't Western wellness jargon. It's a translation of a Chinese phrase, bàofùxìng áoyè, that started circulating online among people describing exactly this: staying up late on purpose because the day had already taken everything from them. The revenge was always aimed at the schedule, not at your own body. There's a piece of psychology called self-determination theory that explains why this hits certain days harder than others. Humans need three things every day to feel like themselves: autonomy, competence, and connection. When any one of those goes unmet, especially autonomy, something in you keeps searching for a way to claim it back. If nobody asked what you wanted all day, midnight becomes the only hour where you get to decide. Here's the twist. The very thing you're doing to reclaim control is quietly messing tomorrow's version of you. Sleep loss hits the prefrontal cortex hardest, which happens to be the exact part of your brain responsible for decision making and impulse control. So a shorter night makes tomorrow harder to navigate, which makes tomorrow evening feel even more like it needs reclaiming. One more thing worth knowing: you're not only up against your own willpower. Streaming platforms and social apps are built by teams whose entire job is keeping you watching past the point you meant to stop. Autoplay, infinite scroll, and next-episode countdowns are designed against your stated intentions. Some of what feels like your failure to log off is actually a very well-funded design team doing exactly what they were hired to do. So the fix is giving yourself a real, undemanded pocket of time earlier in the evening, so nothing in you is left to grab it back at 11pm out of scarcity. Tonight's task: block out fifteen minutes right after dinner that belongs to nobody but you. Not "productive rest," just yours. No phone allowed in that fifteen minutes either, since that's the thing usually doing the reclaiming for you.

QUICK RECAP: We paused over the weekend, so here's where we left off. This is a five-night reset for revenge bedtime procrastination: staying up later than you mean to, not because you're not tired, but because the evening is the only part of the day that felt like yours. Day 1 was about noticing your specific version of it. Tonight we go into why it happens and why it tends to get harder before it gets easier. ⬇️⬇️⬇️ If today's pull to delay your bedtime feels like more effort than yesterday, that's normal. There's a real mechanism behind that. Researchers call it self-regulation depletion: your capacity to resist an impulse runs down over the course of the day, the same way a muscle tires from repeated use. That means you're most likely to give in to the phone or the show at exactly the moment you're least equipped to resist it, which is the evening. A Simply Psychology review of the research puts it plainly: it's a predictable dip in resources that happens to everyone. The original study on this found that people with lower self-regulation were significantly more likely to delay bedtime, even after controlling for general procrastination tendencies. A later study found something even more specific: the more temptations someone had to resist earlier in the day, the more likely they were to procrastinate at bedtime that same night. ❗In other words, a genuinely hard day makes the night harder too. ❗ There's also a scale to this most people underestimate. A 2023 survey found the average person loses around 300 hours of sleep a year this way. Almost everyone in this group is doing some version of this most nights. So tonight, instead of trying to stop the habit through sheer willpower (which the research says is exactly the resource you have the least of by evening), give your body something instead of taking something away. Pick one physical thing to do in the hour before you'd normally reach for your phone: stretch on the floor, sit outside for two minutes, run your hands under warm water. Nothing productive, nothing about sleep. Just something that's yours.

For some people it's scrolling. For others it's a show they've already seen twice. For some it's just sitting in the dark on their phone not even looking at anything specific. ➡️ Tonight, notice what your version is. Don't change it yet, just notice it. From today, I offer a 5-day mini practice for Bedtime Procrastination, something easy peasy but hopefully impactful, that helps bring awareness to the behaviours we do that foster that endless delay of going to sleep, even though we're tired, to attend to behaviours that we end up not being proud of (like doomscrolling). I see this tendency time and time again, both in my private work as a Sleep Coach, and in my years of working as a Coaching Team Lead at a habit-building company and coaching several hundreds of people. The behaviour is common, and yet most people never even look at it properly. Here's the somatic piece for today, that will help you unstick this habit that keeps you exhausted: at the exact moment you catch yourself reaching for the thing you always reach for, put one hand flat on your chest and take one slow breath, and make a conscious choice to do something else for 5 minutes. Just breathing. Looking at the ceiling. Massaging your feet. Pillow talk with a loved one. After those 5 minutes are up, see: is the craving for the phone, the laptop or other distractions equally strong? If it subsided even a bit, that's a win. If it didn't, repeat for another 5 minutes. Tomorrow, we continue to pick apart this learned habit of delaying bedtime. What's your specific version of this? Phone, TV, food, something else?

Now that I hopefully have you jamming to The Clash in your head now, I would love to pick your brain. 🧠 I'm planning on running a challenge to help you unravel a VERY COMMON dance a lot of us do with ourselves and our desired bedtime. Is this you? ➡️ You had a long day. You've got an early alarm. Your body is tired. And yet somehow it's midnight and you're still scrolling, watching one more episode, reading one more thing you don't even care about. This familiar dance is called **revenge bedtime procrastination**. It shows up when your day belonged to everyone except you. Work, kids, admin, other people's needs. By the time you're finally alone, your body and brain want something back. Staying up late is the only piece of the day that feels like yours, even if it costs you sleep. That's why telling yourself to just go to bed doesn't work. You're not fighting tiredness. You're fighting the last hour where nobody wants anything from you. Would you be interested in learning how to untangle this procrastination mode (and still claim time and space for yourself)? Nothing complicated, no sleep hygiene checklist. It would be just one small thing each evening to give you back that sense of autonomy earlier in the night, so you don't need to steal it from your sleep. Drop a comment below: what time do you actually go to bed versus what time you tell yourself you'll go to bed? ⬇️👀