Hi, I'm 23 years old and I feel lost in life. I know it's probably normal at this age, but sometimes I just can't cope with it. I don't know what to do with this feeling. I keep questioning whether I'm in the right relationship and whether I'm making the right decisions, ruminating my past, what I should do and so on. I wish I could feel safe, but my nervous system feels like it's falling apart. Every day feels like a battle just to feel a little better. I wish I could wake up feeling happy that a new day has begun, instead of waking up with the weight of worry on my shoulders. Please don't give me advice like sleep, meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, or walks in nature. I already do all of those things. Sometimes I don't know how to approach myself, because when I try to change my thinking, it feels like I'm fighting against myself. It's a bit like repeating affirmations that don't feel true to me and forcing myself to believe them. When I try to think more positively, the difficult emotions and trauma stay quiet for a few days, and then I break down and everything comes back all at once. On the other hand, when I allow myself to feel those emotions and simply observe them, I feel like I'm going to drown in them and that they'll never go away. I have a tendency to always want to fix myself, and I'm looking for ways to do that, even now, by writing this. But maybe I should accept that I'm lost, that I don't yet feel that sense of safety and peace. I'll probably go to therapy, but maybe someone has had a similar experience, or has some advice for me...

23 years old… my whole life ahead of me. Beautiful, young, and lost. Such a short time in this world, yet so many thoughts, emotions, memories. Everything blends into one great uncertainty. A bittersweet past. Moments of carefree, almost childish foolishness mixed with heavy experiences, deep feelings, and extreme emotions. Do other people have it easier? Do they not feel so deeply? Do they not drown in their melancholic reflections? There are moments of grounding, of joy in simple, earthly pleasures, and then comes detachment. Questioning the meaning of life, wondering what the future will bring. I often imagine myself at, say, 70 years old. What will I feel then? Acceptance of passing time? Fulfillment? Peace? Or maybe fear of the end? Or regret that I didn’t fully live my life? I can feel all of these scenarios. That feeling that everything that was meant to happen has already happened, that nothing is waiting for me anymore. And if there is reincarnation, then of course—another life. But the person I am now will never return. In a few generations, nothing will remain of her, not even someone’s memory. It seems sad and beautiful at the same time. The future feels like such a strange construct. I remember when I was a child and sometimes wondered what it would be like when I grew up, how I would manage. It seemed so distant, like a fairy tale. I don’t feel like an adult. I feel like an alien trying to imitate people to blend into the crowd. Doing what others do so no one notices who I really am. I wish I could stop time, so I could grow up without rushing. Because I grew up quickly. I was in such a hurry. I moved out at 17 and started working. I didn’t even want to go to university, because I wanted to be an adult and work, not sit in a classroom. I wanted to have children and a husband by 25 at the latest. I felt like I knew what I wanted—to live in nature, to have a loving family, a beautiful home… to live simply and peacefully. Now I don’t know what I want anymore. I was in a relationship for four years. He left me in December. I thought he was my future husband, that we would grow old together. I have never felt such emotional pain—not even when my father died by suicide when I was 13.

So I’v had hardest time in my life recently… that caused chronic stress. something happened in my life that I’m trying to heal and regulate my nervous system. I practice acceptance and observing my thoughts and don’t identify with them, observe my emotions and integrating a lot. But every morning I have so strong fear in my body that I can’t move out of bed but staying there feels even worse so I’m kind of paralised.. As the day go by I start to feel better and better and I go to sleep peacefully. I try to observe it but the feeling appears every morning anyways. I feel like meditation or yoga would help but I can’t made myself to do it when I’m in this state. Any advice? Did someone experienced something similar?

I'm curious as to what is your biggest challenge right now? what is your focus and what is your biggest goal? I'm creating content and would love to know how I can help!

So many things are moving… shifting… rearranging.