Have you ever felt like you are in a loop when it comes to suicide loss ? Does this loop revolve over somehow finding the solution to the suicide loss? I wish I had a time machine. In the beginning of my grief, I would replay everything over and over again—imagining a million different ways I could have changed the outcome of my sister’s suicide. In my mind, I created new scenarios… ones where I said the “right” thing, did the “right” thing, and somehow—almost magically—she survived. This is what we call magical thinking. When the mind creates illogical or impossible solutions in an attempt to resolve a pain that feels unbearable. At times, I felt almost delusional. But within that experience, I came to understand something very important: It wasn’t just my mind trying to escape the pain. It was my love. A love so deep that it searched endlessly for a different ending. A part of me that wanted—so desperately— to find any possible way she could still be here. Even now, there are moments when those thoughts come back. Not because I don’t understand reality… but because, in a strange way, they bring a sense of comfort and control. And maybe that’s something we don’t talk about enough. Sometimes, what looks like “irrational thinking” is actually love… trying to find somewhere to go. When it comes to preventing death - it is irrational to think we can. Somehow my heart did not know this, but my mind did. Has this happened to you ? Send me a message with the scenarios you play in your mind to save your loved one.