(TW) I grew up in a Christian household. I went to church every Wednesday and Sunday, was on the worship team, volunteered for Fall Fest and VBS every year, I was on the media team, went to youth conferences, and I helped the children’s pastor and the nursery when needed. But I wasn’t saved. When I was 8 years old something happened to me that tore me away from the Lord for a long time. My cousin, the pastor’s son, raped me. He was living with us at the time, for about 6 months, and that season of my life was full of fear and pain. Then, another cousin of mine raped me at age 10. I never spoke up until I was 14 and no one believed me. So my anger towards God only grew stronger. By 17 I was diagnosed with MDD, Anxiety Disorder, Anorexia, and Insomnia. I self-harmed and tried to kill myself. When I was a senior in HS, I was under 80lbs and would pass out sometimes. I was prescribed anti-depressants but they didn’t work, and the side effects made everything worse. I knew then that my situation was hopeless and that God was the only thing that could save me. One night I was crying after another failed attempt and God’s presence filled my room. I wasn’t praying- I wasn’t even seeking God at all. But He still showed up for me. I was laying in bed, facing the wall, and I could feel something as if someone were physically holding me in their arms. Everything calmed down and that peaceful feeling stayed until I fell asleep. Years later, at 21, I was finally seeking God with all my heart. One night as I was worshipping in my dorm, and I felt God’s presence. The next morning I went to Chapel. There was an altar call and I felt a tug so I went and I got on my knees, praying to God that one day I’ll feel okay again. That He would make a way. Then a woman came and prayed for me. I didn’t know her, but she called out my depression and anxiety and rebuked it in Jesus’ name. At that moment I felt like I needed to physically surrender, so I placed my hands on the ground. Immediately I felt a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders that I didn’t know was there. I was filled with the Spirit. God spoke to me: “You’re made new because you put your faith in Me alone.” I was also given the spiritual gift of healing that day. Since then I have never struggled with feelings of depression or anxiety; I have not harmed myself or even thought about ending my life.

"The most scandalous part of Jesus to modern ears tends to be His claim to be Lord, but the most scandalous part of Jesus to ancient ears was that He the Lord would suffer. God on a throne, sure. But God on a cross? A God who weeps? A God who bleeds? A God who grieves? 'Never.' I understand why its such a shock that God would suffer, but I also think that a God who doesn't suffer probably isn't a God worth trusting. Because after all, without the courage to crawl down into the world and fill the darkness with the same helplessness as the rest of us, how could God be trusted? How could God be relatable without enduring His own suffering? How could God then author a story of redemption meaningful enough to renew my suffering? Jesus and only Jesus makes suffering sufferable. Jesus is set apart from every other form of divinity, in that He alone is the God who suffers. He deals with suffering by suffering, makes a way through suffering by suffering, and looks you in the eye in the midst of your suffering by suffering. Jesus is winning a decisive victory, but he's doing it by bearing the cost of the curse; he's enduring the real life experience of a sin-infected creation.The word made flesh, God in human form, carried His own cross, mocked and nailed down to it as a common criminal. But of course it was not Jesus' life that died, it was our sin. It wasn't Jesus' life that never rose from the tomb, it was the consequences of the curse and the grip that suffering had on the human story."

"Your security is not found in perfect planning but in perfect surrender." This sentence has me so so grateful rn. When actually applying this teaching, aligning with God and His will begins to actually free you. Jesus offers us rest (not laziness, but the peace beyond our understanding) when we enter into surrender. We can actually step out of doing the mental gymnastics of trying to figure it all out on our own (where the enemy often operates) and step into God's alignment and plans for us and for His kingdom. When we trust ourselves and our thoughts, we fall; but when we trust Jesus and His thoughts, we rise with Him and he beckons us out of the prison tomb of selfish desires, plans, and striving for security. Its freedom plus intimate relationship with God. Wow wow wow 👏

Gonna beat a dead horse and say that I also grew up in and out of church, but was completely missing a heart transformation. I believed in a creator, but had no idea who God was or why Jesus came. I experienced some sexual trauma throughout my childhood, around ages 6 to 12. Around 12 years old my mom helped me through giving my life to Jesus and accepting Him as my savior but, still no heart change. I started self-harming in high school, and had severe depression and anxiety. I was so empty, and didn't know what real love was, had trust issues like crazy, and hated/blamed myself, and almost attempted unaliving myself at one point, but a loved one talked me down from it. I think because of this, I just floated through life, from teenage years, to adulthood, and eventually into my marriage. The first four years of my marriage were good, but God wasn't included in it really (bc still no heart change). Was still floating. I was super lost, had no identity, and wanted to be on my own in the world, which my husband didn't understand and it broke him. In this mess of a separation I had created, I made terrible decisions, engaged in adultery, was self-harming again, suicidal, drinking, still depressed and anxious, not eating, and just really really lost and just so spiritually dead. Before signing divorce papers, my spirit shifted, and something inside of me said DON'T DO THIS, really loudly, but peacefully. So I didnt sign the papers. And soon after this, I came to him about everything and my husband wanted me back, even after everything I had done to him and myself. I couldnt understand it. His reaction was completely foreign to me. He wanted complete reconciliation. And this is where I finally saw a real glimpse of Jesus probably for the first time in my life. I was found by Jesus in the middle of the chaos I had created. Like my husband, Jesus still found and wanted me even after I stomped on his heart, left him, and chose the world. Broken, guilty, used, and dirty, he still took me back, washed me up, and takes care of me to this day with patience, gentleness, kindness and so much love. God used my marriage to help reconcile me to Him. It was a double reconciliation 🙌.This encounter changed me forever. We're on year 8 of marriage, and God blessed us with our daughter, Evelyn, very soon after our reconciliation.

Hey! I’m Jaedyn, I was born and raised in Georgetown, Texas, and I’m still here! I wish I was good at playing guitar… Do any of you guys play an instrument?