There was this girl that is my mum's best friend daughter and she was only 4months older than me. I knew this girl since i was little, as we played together when we were lil kids. I 7th grade of primary school, i'm not certain but i think i was then 13yo, we met again after all these years. For the next 24months we had a great contact, as she lived around 2hour long drive from me we didnt see each other every day. We messaged every single minute, we had these little videocalls where we would study for our incoming exams in 8th grade, and when she and her mother would come to visit, we would always have this kind of moments that made me calculate when was the last time we met, i was obssesed with her, but not in a bad way, she became my very good friend, there was no flirting in no side of the relationship, at the late stage of our relationship her friend once messaged me, i wont go into details but my current girlfriend told me when she saw that message that they were trying to get us together, do this day i regret that i didint understand it then and didnt reply. The thing is at the end of 8th grade i fell into andrew tate really bad, and i told her many stupid things etc, i as stupid. We lost contact our of awkwardness, 2 years later found a girlfriend and now i'm 1.5years into relationship. And yk it's good, she feels loved, i feel loved, i'm a good bf, she's not a bad gf, she's hot, etc etc. But the thing is, that i still miss that girl, that girl that always treated me right, that girl that i was obssesed with, but for example NEVER thought about her in a sexual way, that girl that made me join the self improvment because of embarassment that i have put onto myself after fumbling the best person i've ever met. In november 2024 she messaged me that she heard from her mum that i'm coming to her town, i did. we met, we had THE SAME VIBE, THE SAME TALK, WE THREW THE SAME EYES, everything was just like the gold old day, but there is one problem. I have a gf, she knows i do and she asked me about her, i told her that i dont wanna speak about it rn and i can tell her next time we met, idk why i said so i guess i wanted to act, that was patethic of me. And to this day everysingle day i wake up with a regret of whom i've become then that i fumbled this girl, but she's also the reason for me stepping on the path of self improvment. If i could i would choose her over my gf anytime, and that just destroys me from the inside and makes me feel like i'm the worst or some cheater, but i just want the loml back...