@Mark Lampett I often still go to the fight or flight and I have been trying my best not too I'm 42 and thats all I have known my whole life its how I have been able to cope and make it out of situations. I have childhood trauma and currently doing EMDR which is starting to help but its opening up old wounds the wounds I ran from. The wounds chose to do drugs and drink alcohol to make all the abuse my mom was doing and the then I was also being molested by my stepbrother and got date raped at 16 so I masked everything for substances. I abused got sober 11 years ago and I'm so happy and thankful everyday I can wake up and go through my day without using substances. I burnt a tons of bridges and hurt so many people and its not good. Even though I'm sober sometimes if someone reminds me of the abuse I went through with my mom or even with my past relationships I have a tendency to fight or flight and usually I run because then I can't get hurt. But I end up hurting that one person and this has recently has happened to me I ended up hurting my best friend who is a male because I started to develop feelings for him and I didn't want to be hurt so I lied and ran from the friendship so I no longer have him in my life. I still have to continue to work on me and I hope one day once I'm done with college I can do the career I have wanted to do so long and that is being a substance abuse therapist. I currently work as a crisis therapist and just started working as a case manager working with the homeless its hard work but its also very rewarding. Thank you for your story sending hugs

Welcome @Jenna Graybill

I would have to agree with this. I was masking my trauma so I didn't have to feel any pain

@Jason Bush thank you so much