I finally started a public TikTok account where I post some of my thoughts and opinions. Well, I’ve done it in a very silly and unserious way, but getting 30 likes on both of my posts in 10 minutes really feels rewarding. Not just because of the dopamine hit (I want to believe haha) but the fact I put myself out there and went against my anxious thoughts and fear of being judged. Now that I did get some engagement I wish I had been more serious and open about what I think. Eventually I want to post talking videos just like Cameron does. Just to get all my ideas out there. This just reminds me that if you want to make something just put it out into the universe and perfect it later. Anyways, I feel relieved.

So after listening to Cameron’s recent podcast, I realised the one thing I hadn’t implemented was leaving the phone outside my bedroom. I’ve noticed I’ve been scrolling too much, so though this may help cut back. I didn’t expect much from it honestly, just trying anything to fix sleep that has been broken for a while. The first thing I noticed wasn’t the sleep (still working on that). It was actually the quality of thought that appeared in the spaces where the scrolling used to be. I started waking up and reaching for my books instead of a feed. I also started going for walks without headphones. I laid in the grass for an hour in the sun with my eyes closed just listening to music and nature. Somehow, so many ideas I hadn’t been able to access started surfacing — creative ideas, clarity on decisions I’d been circling for weeks, memories I hadn’t thought about in years, even parts of myself I thought didn’t exist (my creative side as a software engineer). I’ve been reading more in the last two weeks than I have in months, genuinely absorbing it rather than skimming. I had a conversation with my grandfather about a James Baldwin novel we both read at the same age, decades apart. I’ve also written poems and posted them to my substack (https://substack.com/@nilek3 - shameless plug I hope that’s okay). I figured out what I actually want my life to look like, with a concrete vision. None of that felt available to me when the phone was the first thing I reached in the morning or whenever I was bored. Leave your phone outside your bedroom!!

Thinking about starting to journal and wondering if other people do this and find if it helps. What kind of things do people write about and how often do you journal?

I'm fighting tommorow, which is terrifying as always. I'm nervous, excited, and emotional, and I'm working hard to feel and express all those emotions as fully as possible so they dont stay down in my subconscious and surface in my life as stress, worry, or latent pain. I want to hear from other people and talk about what it is that you guys are afraid of, because fear points us towards the truth, and our path forward. One of my favourite quotes "the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek" always rings true. Confronting the thing we fear most is always going to be the best path forward, so what is it that you all see as your greatest fear and the next thing for you to tackle in life?

I’m wondering what I could do to increase appetite and gain weight. I’m trying to hit 2200 cals a day but find myself barely making 1400 with a lot of effort. I did eat a bunch of junk at the beginning of the year to meet my goals but started feeling like shit because of it. I got up to 56.7kg but gave up on it and started to eat whenever my body felt like it, Now I’m back to 50.5kg. I go to the gym 4x a week because it increases my mood and energy but honestly feels kind of disappointing now knowing I’m missing out on progress. No I do not have a mental hinder around food, just very poor appetite, get full easily and forget to eat a lot (I have unmedicated adhd so maybe thats a part of it) I’ve noticed most foods I eat are lean and high in protein, what are some good foods I could include in my diet for weight gain? Feels like everyones talking about weight loss these days, or dirty bulks.