You can’t pay attention busy. You can’t pay attention when your mind is scanning for what’s next. Paying attention is about opening a door to presence. In sex, presence identifies safety. When attention is steady and undivided, the nervous system shifts towards a response allows the erotic to thrive. Presence and performance are opposites. Performance looks outward, managing an image. Presence turns inward, listening, receiving, allowing sensation to move without commentary. To explore the erotic, you must clear your calendar. must create spaciousness to be with your body. What is on your calendar that doesn’t need to be, yet is in the way of your paying attention, and therefore in the way of paying attention.