I've just been thinking about wellbeing, and how sometimes I don't like how much conscious attention I feel like I need to put into it. Like, I don't really want to have to do things 'for my wellbeing', I would much prefer it if the way I lived my life, doing what I want to do, just gave me wellbeing, Like many people, I have a challenging relationship with my smartphone. I value a lot of what it gives me, but it is also something I lean on as a crutch whenever I'm remotely bored, and it feels very addictive to me. It occurred to me that when I have my smartphone with me, I'm kind of putting myself in a situation where I *have* to engage with resistance. I'll be on a train and have to say "Ok Ellie, stop scrolling now, sit and look out of the window for a bit, it'll be good for you." But of course, before I had a smartphone, I wouldn't look out of the window 'because it's good for me', I would just look out of the window because I wanted to. I find it honestly exhausting sometimes that I have to parent myself so much just to feel well. I have to *choose* to resist the urge to scroll, and do something else. I think I would prefer it if I didn't have to make that choice at all. Perhaps it's time to deeply consider switching to a 'dumbphone' for every day, and keep the smartphone mainly as a camera/content creation device. It's and idea I've toyed with before, but never followed through. Thoughts?

Today I saw a drawing of a snake on the wall at work & a guy wearing a Tupac shirt on the subway. 😀

Hi everyone. I'm currently on a train on the way home from work (it's 6pm here) and sadly I don't see the wifi being good enough for me to attend the introductory call. But I should be able to make all the rest, which I am very grateful for! This year is the first year I've made a vision board for myself, and the word I put in the middle was 'Invest'. This year is all about me investing in myself, in many different ways. I've been getting swimming lessons (and doing a lot of wild swimming as a result), I've picked the violin up after many years, I've been creating content on tiktok, I've been reading more and journaling my little heart out. And when I've come across items that I believe will bring value into my life, I have given myself permission to buy them and not fret about it. All of this has been transformative. Every month I give myself a different 'word of the month' to give myself an area of focus. This month the word is 'heal', as I am transitioning out of a period of time which was very challenging for me. Two days ago I wrote "I give myself permission to feel good" on a little slip of paper and burned it in my beautiful abalone shell. This morning I happened upon Chris's tiktok about this community. Chris is one of the very few people on my list of people I follow, and with only one our left to sign up, I thought 'I probably can't afford it, but I'll check it out anyway' I was so delighted that I did so, and discovered that the price was accessible for me. I've been holding out for a course to come along which would be an investment (the word of the year is 'invest' after all!) but wouldn't be detrimental to my income, which is not large right now. I am so lucky that this one landed in my lap today, just at the perfect time. When good things come my way I tend to thank the bees (Perhaps I'll make a post another time explaining why it's the bees!) and I have been very grateful to the bees today for bringing me this. Ellie x