I was never scared of dying No I was scared of living I was never scared until I made the promise to stay The promise wraps around me every time I try to go away The smiles and the laughs Everything happens so fast These steps feel like I’m walking on glass I close my eyes and count to three, but these feelings will always be Because I was never scared of dying I’m scared of living

Anxiety The shake in my hands No one ever understands They just demand Like it’s my job to follow their commands Commands They tell me what to do I thought I had made a breakthrough I am not see through See me See me I am not invisible You are not formidable What you see is what’s visible What I am is unbreakable. Unbreakable I am not broken pieces The hold you have on me it decreases No it releases I am not just one of your show pieces Pieces I am anxiety Everything I do is a silent plea I am lost in my own Black Sea I am anxiety

I understand rage. I understand needing to hurt to feel something I understand feeling powerless I understand death I understand losing someone so important that you can’t breathe Life takes me down over and over I finally feel like I’m losing my composure Stuck in a world with no home I understand being alone What I don’t understand is why people need to hurt people when they feel powerless What I don’t understand is why people don’t understand when others are trying their best Let us rest I understand pain I understand love I understand being in a room full of people and feeling alone I understand trauma And I understand addiction What I don’t understand is why people judge Have you ever had something you do that makes you hate yourself but you can’t stop. Have you ever had anyone tell you I love you I care about you and not been able to believe it Have you ever had to admit I understand all that more than I understand myself I understand the problem with poor health I’m trapped in this numbness That doesn’t really end And no one understands it not even my friends