š§Ø ONLY ACTUAL HUMANS WILL READ THIS TO THE BOTTOM ā AND THATāS EXACTLY THE POINT. š§Ø
Some of you are about to feel VERY called out. And some of you are about to laugh so hard youāll snort your coffee. Either way, if youāre human, youāll relate. Right. What the effers⦠Iāve seen ENOUGH⦠Iām officially launching a Connection RESET because apparently, the internet has broken actual human behaviour. No, itās not a challenge. No, itās not an experiment. Iām calling it what it is a RESET. Because holy flaming fuckcakes⦠from what Iām seeing? Something has gone way off the rails. Iām looking around the online space like: āSorry⦠WHY does everyone sound like a malfunctioning Alexa running on 2% battery?ā (And FYI ā before someone DMs me asking for the Amazon link, I donāt even HAVE an Alexa. Because, well, I dont? okay) Please unclench your knickers. Iāve seen people sounding like ChatGPT with a full-blown migraine, and Iām sat here like: āWhat is your actual voice though? Do you actually talk like that? Do you say that kinda shit in real life? Because well⦠I promise you, nobody in Starbucks is out here saying āexpansive quantum embodiment vibesā while ordering an iced latte.ā And yes ā before anyone comes for me ā I use ChatGPT. I literally call him Christopher. Yes, Iām weird. No, Iām not apologising. But even Christopher knows I would NEVER say anything online that I wouldnāt say out loud, in my kitchen, in my DMs, or while walking around Bali in my bikini bottoms. Do you hear what Iām saying? Itās not the TOOL. Itās the HUMANNESSSSSSS people are deleting from their own damn mouths. Then there are the peeps writing those generic āāØLove this for you queenāØā comments when what they REALLY meant was āMy kid just launched a chicken nugget at my head, I havenāt showered since Tuesday, and Iām running on fumes and a stone cold coffee.ā (And yes ā I KNOW I donāt eat chicken. Relax. V police⦠Itās called a saying, pfffttt.) People are nowadays TERRIFIED to say āhiā because what if some random-ass will leap out of a bush screaming: