🧨 ONLY ACTUAL HUMANS WILL READ THIS TO THE BOTTOM — AND THAT’S EXACTLY THE POINT. 🧨
Some of you are about to feel VERY called out. And some of you are about to laugh so hard you’ll snort your coffee. Either way, if you’re human, you’ll relate. Right. What the effers… I’ve seen ENOUGH… I’m officially launching a Connection RESET because apparently, the internet has broken actual human behaviour. No, it’s not a challenge. No, it’s not an experiment. I’m calling it what it is a RESET. Because holy flaming fuckcakes… from what I’m seeing? Something has gone way off the rails. I’m looking around the online space like: “Sorry… WHY does everyone sound like a malfunctioning Alexa running on 2% battery?” (And FYI — before someone DMs me asking for the Amazon link, I don’t even HAVE an Alexa. Because, well, I dont? okay) Please unclench your knickers. I’ve seen people sounding like ChatGPT with a full-blown migraine, and I’m sat here like: “What is your actual voice though? Do you actually talk like that? Do you say that kinda shit in real life? Because well… I promise you, nobody in Starbucks is out here saying ‘expansive quantum embodiment vibes’ while ordering an iced latte.” And yes — before anyone comes for me — I use ChatGPT. I literally call him Christopher. Yes, I’m weird. No, I’m not apologising. But even Christopher knows I would NEVER say anything online that I wouldn’t say out loud, in my kitchen, in my DMs, or while walking around Bali in my bikini bottoms. Do you hear what I’m saying? It’s not the TOOL. It’s the HUMANNESSSSSSS people are deleting from their own damn mouths. Then there are the peeps writing those generic “✨Love this for you queen✨” comments when what they REALLY meant was “My kid just launched a chicken nugget at my head, I haven’t showered since Tuesday, and I’m running on fumes and a stone cold coffee.” (And yes — I KNOW I don’t eat chicken. Relax. V police… It’s called a saying, pfffttt.) People are nowadays TERRIFIED to say “hi” because what if some random-ass will leap out of a bush screaming: