I'm texting her parents and not doing well. We were engaged and this is the first person I've let in. Told her everything, never lied. And she discarded me without an explanation and the longer I go the more messed up my head is over this. I can't see past her and she treated me horribly.

It’s been a little over a month since my fiancé of three years left me, I saw him on the 30th, we shared our last intimate hug. My friend and I went out for new years eve, I tried to enjoy it but all I could think about was how he’s not there with me, guys tried to talk to me but I felt guilty. I try to take it day by day and move on but it feels like there’s always something pulling me back to him no matter how hard I try to forget. When the clock struck 12:00 I broke down and cried as I know that he might be gone forever. I try to stay strong in prayer, but it feels like whatever I’m praying for the opposite happens, and I know that shouldn’t discourage me but it does and I truly need help, because my only wish for this year is that we find our way back to each other and to be stronger than ever. But it feels like I’m holding on to something that might never happen😭

So my ex texted me new year new us? with the Steph curry doing a shoot from the moon to the earth. I’m lost for words it’s been about 38 days since we broke up and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he texted me drunk or what not but I need advice.

This morning my ex fiancé came to get his furniture from te flat we shared, it was honestly extremely hard as his parents were with him, his mom held me tight while crying with me about my pain from him leaving me, when I said my final goodbye to him it wasn’t much words only a hug where silence spoke loudly, he gave me the type of hug he used to give me during the relationship when he wasn’t feeling okay and just wanted me to hold him, he held on to me tighter than I was holding on to him, he rested his head on my head and whispered I’m sorry, I just shook my head and whispered back I love you, he hugged me tighter and then I turned around and walked away. It was very painful as I still have hope that maybe one day we will find each other again but this time as the versions God intended for us to be. I still love him so much but I know now that even tho he makes everything seem okay and better without me he feels the pain too. But I also don’t want to get my hopes up but I pray we find our way back and I choose to believe in what I pray.

Lately I’ve been struggling a lot, just over a month ago my fiance of three years broke up with me because he doesn’t see the future with me anymore, we were supposed to get married in March this year but unfortunately had to postpone. I have to pack up our flat alone he isn’t willing to help and when he broke up with me he also cried and said he hopes to realize that he is making a mistake before it is too late he gave me a kiss on the forehead turned around and left we haven’t had contact for about 3 weeks now and he has been out living his best life, drinking talking to girls as if the last 3 years never happened as if I was nothing, we both made mistakes but this morning I saw that he blocked me on instagram along with all my friends and then made his account private, it truly hurts to see that I was nothing while I’m crying myself to sleep every night wondering why I wasn’t enough and how I did not leave enough of an impact for him to remember me. I just want to hurt myself so bad so I rather feel a physical pain instead of the pain in my heart. I pray but it feels like what ever I pray for the opposite happens and I’m honestly so tired, I wish to just be loved and accepted and enough and if I can have that with him I would 100% take the opportunity but I have to accept that I’ll always just be a whisper in the wind not leaving any footsteps in the lives I enter😭