Some of you are about to feel VERY called out. And some of you are about to laugh so hard you’ll snort your coffee. Either way, if you’re human, you’ll relate. Right. What the effers… I’ve seen ENOUGH… I’m officially launching a Connection RESET because apparently, the internet has broken actual human behaviour. No, it’s not a challenge. No, it’s not an experiment. I’m calling it what it is a RESET. Because holy flaming fuckcakes… from what I’m seeing? Something has gone way off the rails. I’m looking around the online space like: “Sorry… WHY does everyone sound like a malfunctioning Alexa running on 2% battery?” (And FYI — before someone DMs me asking for the Amazon link, I don’t even HAVE an Alexa. Because, well, I dont? okay) Please unclench your knickers. I’ve seen people sounding like ChatGPT with a full-blown migraine, and I’m sat here like: “What is your actual voice though? Do you actually talk like that? Do you say that kinda shit in real life? Because well… I promise you, nobody in Starbucks is out here saying ‘expansive quantum embodiment vibes’ while ordering an iced latte.” And yes — before anyone comes for me — I use ChatGPT. I literally call him Christopher. Yes, I’m weird. No, I’m not apologising. But even Christopher knows I would NEVER say anything online that I wouldn’t say out loud, in my kitchen, in my DMs, or while walking around Bali in my bikini bottoms. Do you hear what I’m saying? It’s not the TOOL. It’s the HUMANNESSSSSSS people are deleting from their own damn mouths. Then there are the peeps writing those generic “✨Love this for you queen✨” comments when what they REALLY meant was “My kid just launched a chicken nugget at my head, I haven’t showered since Tuesday, and I’m running on fumes and a stone cold coffee.” (And yes — I KNOW I don’t eat chicken. Relax. V police… It’s called a saying, pfffttt.) People are nowadays TERRIFIED to say “hi” because what if some random-ass will leap out of a bush screaming:

I’m actually almost pissing my bikini bottoms as I voice-note this, because my brain just threw me right back to the days when I used to teach humans how to breathe better. Not breathe instead of breathing — because, shock horror, you’re already doing that — but breathe better. And it was powerful. Transformational. Breathwork is f*cking magic and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. (Now I don’t do that anymore — well yes, duh, I still BREATHE — but for breathwork, head to the epic @Brandy Keenan ) But I honestly never thought we’d reach a point in business where I’d be sitting here, giggling like a maniac, about to launch something that feels like the exact same energy. I’m literally about to teach humans how to do something they already do every single day without thinking… and yet, somehow, somewhere along the way, they forgot how to do it properly. And no, this is not a trick question. I’m giggling because it’s so bloody obvious that the fact it even needs to be “a thing” is wild AF to me. Yet… here we are. Everyone’s knee-deep in funnels, dashboards, algorithms, strategy-swaps, content calendars, AI-this, optimise-that… (All epic shit, by the way.) But so many have completely skipped the ONE thing that actually makes the whole damn business work. It’s almost impressive how hard people have avoided it. I’m dropping the whole thing tomorrow. And ya know wot? It might just be the most “are you actually kidding me?” moment of 2025. Go on then… any guesses?