Right, I’ve written this and deleted it about four + or more times now (actually lost count), because I honestly cannot face another round of rejection... So I’m just gonna say it before I bottle it again, because I’ve been going round in circles for ages and I NEED to say it out loud. This has been a 𝗧𝗢𝗨𝗚𝗛, 𝗧𝗢𝗨𝗚𝗛 𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗧 kinda year, financially, mentally and emotionally. There are things I can’t share, but here’s some of it, and stay with me till the bottom because there’s a bit at the end I really want you to see 👇 A long-term client stopped paying me, after I’d already done months of work for free. TBH it hurts more than the money does, because of the lack of respect. Then the SACRED AF retreats I run here in Bali are no more, gutted AF. We’d filled our next one for Feb 2027, and after sorting all the logistics we hit a really difficult situation getting the permits together. Months of looking, crying, stressing, trying EVERYTHING we could, and in the end there was no solution I was willing to risk (my home and my life are here in Bali, and deportation is very real), so it’s cancelled. We had to refund every deposit and payment, which came to thousands upon thousands, and yes I know it wasn’t our money, but it’s still a 𝗛𝗨𝗚𝗘 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘀, and it was heartbreaking… On top of that my general clients and online work started to fade, contracts ended, things got harder to sell, and I got to the point where I was SCARED to put another offer out there because I couldn’t handle another round of being ignored. Which then makes me feel like a total failure as a business mentor and coach, and that’s a horrible circle to be in. I’ve used up my savings now and I’m living day by day, and I am TIRED and FED THE FCK UP of things being hard…when will this fucking end And I’m going to be completely honest with you, because I don’t know how else to do this: I’m getting pretty damn desperate. I know that’s the worst thing you’re supposed to say when you’re selling, because desperation is meant to put people off, but it’s also the truth, and I’ve got no energy left to dress it up. I need sales right now. Real ones, this month. I feel a bit ashamed saying all that, to be honest, but you know I don’t hold back from the truth, and I’d rather be straight with you than put on an “everything’s amazing!” face.

BUSINESS SHITE HARDLY ANYONE TALKS ABOUT… #007 𝗕𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 (𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁) One thing I will never ever do on here is pretend everything's going swimmingly, icing on top, epic af, when clearly it fckin aint. Like if a friend asks me "how are ya" and I'm feeling shite, I don't just go "aw good thanks" and swallow it down. I'm not built like that, never have been… I don't know if I've hit that age where I'm turning into a bit of a grump ass (not all the time, just about this specific thing) but I am totes fed up of all the BS I see about how hunky dory it's all going for everyone in business. Or maybe that's just the people who choose to share the shiny bit. And the ones like me, stuck in a proper rut right now, are staying quiet. Hiding it. Maybe feeling shame about it, maybe worried people will look at them and think failure. And if that's you too, I see you as human, because it happens to literally the best of us, and I refuse to be one of the quiet hiding ones today… 𝗦𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗠𝗶𝗺𝗶 𝘁𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗸𝘀. 𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗼𝗼𝗼 Monday. I was so ready for it as well, had that whole "right, new week, let's go" energy last night before bed, and then I woke up this morning and just... deflated. Properly big time deflated. And it's pissed me off, because I don't wanna be the person moaning about feeling lost every other post, that's not who I wanna be out here, but I made myself a promise a while back that I'd be honest on here rather than pretend everything's peachy, so. Here we are. Being honest, even when the honest bit is a bit shite So a couple weeks ago I made this decision, there's no shame in me looking for some work alongside my own stuff, because what I actually want right now is a bit of security. 𝗔 𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱. Coz I don't feel like I'm running at the same capacity, same energy, same passion I used to have, and I wanna be really clear, it's not that I've fallen out of love with what I do. I haven't. Skool, my community, I love it. It's just... not running the way it was.

But apparently today's Overthinking Out Loud is less “peaceful Bali morning” and more “spewing my guts up in a rice field.” 𝗦𝗼... 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗖𝗥𝗔𝗣 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆. Like that teenage hangover from hell when ya first discover alcohol and think you're fucking invincible... except I'm pretty sure I stopped being invincible about 30 years ago… I went out last night with one of my girlfriends. Happy hour, buy one get one free, epic brewery, great music, loads of laughs... and between us we had four drinks each. FOUR. That's actually my max. I normally have three because my body has never really been a massive fan of alcohol… Anyway, we went on somewhere else afterwards to meet up with me man and next thing I know I'm in a rice field spewing ma guts up. 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘... 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗬. There was absolutely no getting on the back of a scooter after that. I wasn't physically capable. It was like I'd just emptied every ounce of energy I had along with the vegan chilli and jackfruit rendang I'd eaten earlier. 🤣 Was I embarrassed? A little bit. Do I feel particularly proud of it? Nah. Have I probably done exactly this before when I was younger? Yep. And actually, I do find it quite funny that one of me amazing old skool friends has always said, “Mimi, I've taught you how to drink and you STILL can't do it.” She's not wrong. I like having a drink. I like going out. I like the social side of it. But my body seems to have this rather fucking effective little system where once it's had enough it basically goes RIGHT. GET THIS SHITE OUT OF ME. So... fair enough really. 𝗚𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗮 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆… The people at the venue were absolute legends though. They basically said, “No problem, stay here,” and we ended up sleeping on their sofa because there was NO WAY I was getting home on a scooter in that state. And waking up there was another fucking experience. Pitch black. HUGE fan absolutely bellowing on us. FREEZING cold. My contact lenses basically glued to my eyeballs. And me, half dead, drinking water out of a bottle thinking I was being sensible... only to realise afterwards I'd picked up the wrong bottle and it wasn't bottled water at all

Right... so this has been rattling around me Mimi head because I’ve got one of those numbers in my own business story that, if I just threw it out there without the rest of the story, would make me sound like some sort of Facebook community fucking genius...teehee 𝗜 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘄 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝟭𝟭,𝟬𝟬𝟬 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵𝘀. There ya go... lovely shiny number... OOOFFF... slap that on a graphic, tell everyone how I built a thriving 10K community and then sell ya the blueprint for £27 🤣. Except... NO. Because that isn't actually the story… The story is that it happened in 2020... during the bloody pandemic. Everyone was suddenly stuck at home, yoga studios were shut, people couldn't see their pals, people were lonely AF, bored, anxious, looking for connection, looking for something to do... and Facebook groups were going absolutely MENTAL because suddenly everybody needed somewhere to GO... SELF INCLUDED... 𝗦𝗼 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗬𝗢𝗚𝗔 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆 (Freeyoga.me anyone remember it) at exactly the right bloody moment in time. It grew so damn FAST. And it was fucking badass. Hundreds of people would turn up live, I had guest teachers from all over the world, people were chatting, sharing, connecting... it was BUZZING. I absolutely looooved it. But if I now stood here and told ya, "Here's how I built an 11,000-person community in just a few months"... without telling ya any of that... I'd be chatting absolute shite... and that I will never do… 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗔 𝗟𝗢𝗧… These mahoosive shiny-ass numbers get thrown around like they're some sort of universal crap measurement of whether you're doing well or not. "𝗜 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 £𝟭 𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗼𝗻." OOOH... did ya? Fucking brilliant... but... £1 million WHAT? Revenue? Profit? Turnover? Over six months? Five years? Ten years? How much did ya spend getting there? Did ya have a team? Did ya already have an audience? Did ya have 30,000 people on an email list? Did ya have somebody famous share ya? Did ya happen to launch something during a massive bloody trend? Was there a pandemic? Was there a recession? Was there some random algorithm change that sent everyone your way?

𝗢𝗢𝗢𝗙𝗙𝗙... 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗻𝗲'𝘀 𝗮 𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁... 𝗚𝗨𝗟𝗣… Pull up a chair... grab a cuppa... a beer... ya dog... whatever 😝 right... sooo... there's been summat making me feel ridiculously excited lately... and it isn't actually Dirty Yoga Club. Well... it IS... but not for the reason most people probably think. It's what Dirty Yoga Club REPRESENTS that's got me all giddy like a kid at Christmas 🤣. Because there's been this one thing sat in the back of me head that I've not actually said out loud yet... I've kinda skirted round it... pretended it wasn't really a thing... convinced meself nobody needed to know... then this morning I just thought... FCK IT. If I'm building this whole thing around being REAL AF… then it'd be a bit bloody daft if I started hiding the real stuff wouldn't it… Thing is... I'm not just building 𝗗𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝗬𝗼𝗴𝗮 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯 for U lot... I’m building it because I NEED IT. Proper... PROPER need it. Call it selfish if ya want... honestly... I don't care anymore. Because here's the honest shizzle... me own yoga practice has completely buggered off for about a YEAR. ...and some of U probably never even noticed. Yep... read that again EEEKKK 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝗴𝗮 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗿... 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝗴𝗮 🤦🏼‍♀️ And I've carried so much guilt around that. Like this dirty little secret that kept whispering... "You should've sorted this by now Mimi FFS…” Grrrrrrrr And here's where it gets even more awkward... because I kinda fell out of love with many practices. Sometimes... don't come at me... I actually found them a bit... BORING. There... I've said it. Probably not something yoga teachers are supposed to admit... but I'm not really very good at saying what people expect me to say am I… So instead I told meself all these really clever stories... "Yoga doesn't have to happen on the mat..."..."Meditation can happen anywhere..."..."Life is the practice..." and d'ya know what... every single one of those things is TRUE. Proper true. But I was using something true... as a bloody excuse. OOOOFFF... there's a difference isn't there…