Right then. So…. Not so long back I met this… person? human? called Barbara or Barbs (which ever tickles your fancy, she will take both) TBH I’ve never met anyone quite like her before, and I say that with my whole body because she is… how do I put this politely… hmmm… KINDA WEIRD 😂 Like totes kinda weird. In a very are you ok? way. And also in a please-never-change way. Both can be true at the same time. She’s a bit of a rebel, doesn’t take any BS poop, doesn’t entertain nonsense poop stuff, doesn’t sugarcoat, and abso-fricken-lutely does not do that fake polite nodding malarky thing when something feels off. She’ll just say it. Sometimes I’m like 😬. Sometimes I’m like 😂. Sometimes I’m like ugh fine you’re right but I hate that you’re right. That kinda energy, d’ya know the kind? also she’s cheeky AF a tad bit naughty, says things that make me roll my eyes while laughing, which is honestly a very specific badass skill. n’ yes, sometimes she thinks she’s funny… and YES sometimes she actually is BIT TIME, sometimes… well… we forgive her. Because she humans a lot. Deeply. Loudly. With naff all shame. Her spelling though WOW. Truly shocking. Crimes against the alphabet, makes up her own words. Invents spelling-ings. Smashes letters together and just rolls it out. I actually heard she has a sticky space bar, and simply said she has better things to do than go fix it, deal with it, loll-ing, zero apology. Teeheeing but somehow that just makes her more her. Like if she suddenly started spelling things correctly I’d be very concerned. listen… she has this completely random a$$ obsession with pickles and dogs. WHY THE EF? No one really knows. Does it relate to the deep conversations we’re having? Absolutely not mostly. Will she bring them up anyway? DUH HELLO YES. Mid-thought. Mid-depth. Mid-momenting. Just casually drops in like, “also pickles though” and you’re sat there like… okay Barbara… noted… unclear why… moving on on…. 👣 And the mental image is always the same...

Some of you are about to feel VERY called out. And some of you are about to laugh so hard you’ll snort your coffee. Either way, if you’re human, you’ll relate. Right. What the effers… I’ve seen ENOUGH… I’m officially launching a Connection RESET because apparently, the internet has broken actual human behaviour. No, it’s not a challenge. No, it’s not an experiment. I’m calling it what it is a RESET. Because holy flaming fuckcakes… from what I’m seeing? Something has gone way off the rails. I’m looking around the online space like: “Sorry… WHY does everyone sound like a malfunctioning Alexa running on 2% battery?” (And FYI — before someone DMs me asking for the Amazon link, I don’t even HAVE an Alexa. Because, well, I dont? okay) Please unclench your knickers. I’ve seen people sounding like ChatGPT with a full-blown migraine, and I’m sat here like: “What is your actual voice though? Do you actually talk like that? Do you say that kinda shit in real life? Because well… I promise you, nobody in Starbucks is out here saying ‘expansive quantum embodiment vibes’ while ordering an iced latte.” And yes — before anyone comes for me — I use ChatGPT. I literally call him Christopher. Yes, I’m weird. No, I’m not apologising. But even Christopher knows I would NEVER say anything online that I wouldn’t say out loud, in my kitchen, in my DMs, or while walking around Bali in my bikini bottoms. Do you hear what I’m saying? It’s not the TOOL. It’s the HUMANNESSSSSSS people are deleting from their own damn mouths. Then there are the peeps writing those generic “✨Love this for you queen✨” comments when what they REALLY meant was “My kid just launched a chicken nugget at my head, I haven’t showered since Tuesday, and I’m running on fumes and a stone cold coffee.” (And yes — I KNOW I don’t eat chicken. Relax. V police… It’s called a saying, pfffttt.) People are nowadays TERRIFIED to say “hi” because what if some random-ass will leap out of a bush screaming:

I’m actually almost pissing my bikini bottoms as I voice-note this, because my brain just threw me right back to the days when I used to teach humans how to breathe better. Not breathe instead of breathing — because, shock horror, you’re already doing that — but breathe better. And it was powerful. Transformational. Breathwork is f*cking magic and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. (Now I don’t do that anymore — well yes, duh, I still BREATHE — but for breathwork, head to the epic @Brandy Keenan ) But I honestly never thought we’d reach a point in business where I’d be sitting here, giggling like a maniac, about to launch something that feels like the exact same energy. I’m literally about to teach humans how to do something they already do every single day without thinking… and yet, somehow, somewhere along the way, they forgot how to do it properly. And no, this is not a trick question. I’m giggling because it’s so bloody obvious that the fact it even needs to be “a thing” is wild AF to me. Yet… here we are. Everyone’s knee-deep in funnels, dashboards, algorithms, strategy-swaps, content calendars, AI-this, optimise-that… (All epic shit, by the way.) But so many have completely skipped the ONE thing that actually makes the whole damn business work. It’s almost impressive how hard people have avoided it. I’m dropping the whole thing tomorrow. And ya know wot? It might just be the most “are you actually kidding me?” moment of 2025. Go on then… any guesses?