Not only am I a passionate student of psychology and sociology for 3 decades, but I have a background that makes me unique to traumatized population and a unique lens in which I see the world as I had no real core personality established outside of maladaptive schemas. I am working at getting my BSW, I have experience as a sex therapist and working with gambling addicts, I'm getting my hours in for ABA, and I am a proud mother to a medically challenged pair of twins, an unhoused youth, and a trans teen.

If I'm being honest, it was finding out the programs exist, people like me are being acknowledged, and the help is only available to youth or the wealthy. I feel so cheated, the world only providing possible change for the challenges I haven't been able to overcome over 4 decades! And now with fibromyalgia, neuropathy, hypertension, and digestive distress are permanent parts of my life and I am being forced to confront my disability is a part of my life and I have to work with it. My early maladaptive schemas have left me with a sense of value based on what I could provide, and so I feel like my life was stolen by those I spent a lifetime of hypervigilance trying to survive from and prove I was going to better my circumstances. I realize that many of my quirks and even things I fought hard to maintain like my integrity and my interest in people's motivations, and even my passion for psychology are all recognized trauma responses, making me feel like my trauma, my past, defines me more than I realize and I don't know what I am or who I am without them. It's infuriating to know the problems are known, but not to those already suffering, just to kids that are at risk of becoming me. I don't know how to get the assistance that I need after years of not being successful with CBT, DBT, and mindfulness. I don't know how to build routines or do a lot of common sense things because people would rather judge me than educate me, leaving me to fend for myself. As in my circumstances, I can only infer how many people with these maladaptive cores have any family support. I feel like after decades of overcoming odds, after planting a mask on my face to pretend I'm socially educated and not dramatic or needy or weak, after years of being validated for my resiliency and strength, the sword has just become too heavy and the world has finally chipped at me to become jaded. The systems I tried to work with failed me.

I am actually a strong advocate for these communities and wish there were better options available for those who need help, especially after it causes long term issues. I found the exact program I was trying to build, but it's $30,000 a month, scholarships only available to current patients, and nothing of the sort of available to residents on state medical services. In fact, there's only 1 practitioner near me that will accept it for in person EMDR.

I'd also like to hear the distinction between how QTX works vs. EMDR. Does one have better results?