Maybe my story was never about me. Maybe it's about who I lift toward greatness, the kind with a moral compass. Greatness without a moral compass is just power. Like a Samwise to a fellowship of Frodos. Samwise walked beside Frodo, the ring bearer. But he carried the ring once too, and gave it back. Not the lesser story. He took it further. Everyone wants to be Frodo. But every Frodo needs a Samwise. Sometimes a fellowship of them. Who are you lifting, and to what end?

Self-care, self-love, self-reflection....self, self, self. These all seem to be great things, but is there a dark side to this? Have we become so obsessed with ourselves that we're actually doing more harm than good? The opposite, self-abandonment and self-neglect, are not great either. Is there a line that we can walk better? Can we have a better relationship with our selves? 𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐀 Philautia (φιλαυτία) comes from Ancient Greek: philos = love, affection autos = self - Meaning: self-love or love of oneself. In some contexts this was seen as a virtue while in others it's seen as a vice. So, I suppose context and further definition matters. 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 Healthy self-regard is beneficial for wellbeing....I'd argue that humility is being able to be grounded in truth. It's not about downing oneself, but rather about being abile to see something for what it is--we'd be able to see our strong points and also our weak points. But with our ability to see our weaknessess and mistakes, we would also need to pair that up with self-compassion This leads to more resilience, more accountability, and increased ability to learn from our mistakes. In this sense, self-love isn't arrogance but it's rather the foundation of growth. 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 Many philosophical and religious traditions offer a caution though-- when the self becomes the primary object of our attention, something begins to distort. Psychology also echose this in some way--we know that excessive self-focus is linked to heightened sensitivity to perceived threats/criticism, rumination, anxiety and depression. If the mind becomes trapped into the loop of "how do I feel", "What does this mean about me?", and "how am I being perceived" and this has detrimental effects---the more we obsess about ourselves, the less fulfilled we become. Our relationship with others AND our relationship wtih ourselves suffers. It becomes pigeon holed and doesn't take our whole being into account. If you've gotten to this point, here's what I read that inspired this whole post:

"What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love." — The Brothers Karamazov Most of us can love and be loved. Hell is handing hurt and fear the permission to decide for you. What will you decide? Quote from the video: "When people choose love, they always choose right". dang... POLL: Do you allow yourself to love and be loved...fully?

We like to think communication is pretty straightforward: I think something → I say it → you hear it → you understand it. Boom! What more is there? But when we really break it down, there are a LOT of places where things can get lost along the way. First, there's what we're actually thinking or feeling. Sometimes we may not even have a clear understanding of that ourselves. Then there's what we 𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗗 to communicate. We might know what we mean in our heads, but translating that into actual words can be a whole different thing. Then there's what actually comes out of our mouths.😖 Sometimes what comes out isn't exactly what was in our heads. 😂 Maybe we didn't find the right words. Maybe we left something out. Maybe our tones communicated something we didn't intend. Then there's what the other person hears: And 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁. What someone hears is going to be filtered through their own experiences, assumptions, emotions, expectations, etc. Then there's what they think they heard, followed by what they think it means. So we can end up with something like: 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 → 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻 → 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝘀𝗮𝘆 → 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿 → 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗜 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 → 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻. That's a LOT of opportunities for the original message to get a little altered, lost in translation, misaligned from its original intent. A lot of opportunities for potential conflict or opportunity to clarify and gain better understanding. And that's not even accounting for things like tone, facial expressions, timing, texting vs. talking in person, someone's mood that day, types of communication (e.g. literal, abstract) or whatever else is happening in the background. So...this makes me think that sometimes when we're arguing, we're likely not even actually arguing about what the other person said! We're arguing about what WE THINK they said. So... the following statements become even more valuable as a result: Sender: “That's not what I meant. Let me try saying that differently.”

I opened up a notebook this morning and saw this list...I must have written it years ago and I'm guessing it's a summary of Brene Brown's points in The Gifts of Imperfection. I may have made a post about this in the past as well, I'm not sure. Here's the list: 1. 1. Let go of what people think and practice being authentic 2. 2.Let go of perfectionism and show yourself some compassion. 3. 3.Let go of self-numbing and show yourself some compassion. 4. 4.Practice gratitude-let go of 'have nots' and focus on "haves"--but don't let this lead to complacency 5. 5.Let go of your need for certainty and trust faith and intuition 6. 6. Let go of comparisons and practice creativity 7. 7. Practice engaging in play and rest- let go of productivity as self worth 8. 8. Practice calm and stillness-in a world full of chaos, we don't need to buy into it. 9. 9.Don't squander your gifts--be meaningful in work. Drop the doubts, the 'have tos', the 'oughts', the 'supposed to's', the 'shoulds'. 10. 10. Engage in laughter through silliness. Let go of being in control. I had little comments by each of these. I remember reading her work about 8 years ago and feeling like it was truly transformative. It was something that I needed at that time and I was ready to receive it. Opening up that notebook and landing on this is a good reminder. :) (I know that I've shared one of these videos before). POLL: Which aspect of wholehearted living challenges you the most right now? Which of these do you feel like you'd benefit from focusing on?