Alright team, I'm bringing this back to see if it holds up. Comment below by calling your shot for this week: What healthy, value-based action do you commit to doing this week to improve your life?

So I've struggled with the implications of narcissism. - My kid claims my wife is a narcissist. - My wife then claims that in fact *I* am the narcissist. - Nice guy syndrome implies/claims that its largely a narcissistic issue - Am I the narcissist? Am I the cause of all the problems? I've researching this because I want to know. I've watched some videos and podcasts and the more of those I consume, the more I keep hearing and having "oh shit" moments where I am recognizing things that have happened that are narcissistic. Mostly, my wife, but also myself. So who's right here? Then I came upon this one fellow, David Ades (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFC7KSRiyTY). Now, he has a perspective that is different than anyone else I've seen so far. And its this. We ALL have narcissistic traits and tendancies, depending on the situation. We ALL go through a phase of "primary narcissism", usually around the ages of 2-6. Anyone who's had kids will immediately recognize this! right? And thats normal. And most people grow out of it as a primary tactic, and adopt other methods. But even a "normal" healthy adult will still have some narcissistic traits. A person, an adult, who is "*A* narcissist" is a person who didnt grow out of it, and employs mostly or all narcissistic traits and few or none of the other healthy traits. That leaves those of us with Nice Guy Syndrome, which employs a number of narcissistic methods and traits.. but its not 100%. But its more than is healthy. Right? NGS has some narcissistic traits. But that doesn't mean an NGS guy "is a narcissist" in the commonly understood definition which is very pejorative. We aren't NPD's (narcissistic personality disorder). So its a spectrum. Like autism. You can have some unusual issues and some even positive traits as an autistic and be otherwise functional but you can be all the way to one end of the spectrum where you can't function normally. Same with narcissism. A small amount of it which is actually useful, or all the way to the max where you are toxic. Or somewhere in the middle where you might need to work on some of your issues and manage them.

I am sure this is something we all excel at. Call it "overthinking things" or just procrastination or endless researching or being academic. I think this is probably a very common thing among nice guy types. We want to do the research. We want to learn. We want to plan things. As an engineer and software developer, these things are necessary of course. But when we apply this to all things and take it too far... we get nothing done. We become paralyzed with endless planning, even fantasizing, and never getting to the goal. I am particularly bad at this. Whether its a project I am working on and never finishing (or never starting), or some new way to manage my life, my relationships, or my health. I do the research, I think this is awesome, I get excited by it, and maybe I even start.. and then fizzle out. I'll get overwhelmed by the influx of knowledge, the cloud of ideas, or just the inertia of getting started. And then nothing gets done. Paralysis by analysis.

I had kind of clocked myself with this , but it still was a bit of a revelation. I spend a lot of my time in research, trying to get enough knowledge to be ok. I realise I have "put off " life. I have put off action for study. I can look back and realise I was brought up by hippies, artists, and academics...abd the academia crowd were just as odd, but they had more self beleif and more money... maybe that's why I idealized books and degrees (I have a couple of degrees now, but still they didn't change my life much). What ever the cause, I can see i have done this put off, learn more, value academia highly, and not try action many times in my life. So realization of this pattern is good...and now I can use one strategy from my kit bag of knowing, and act ! .. One action to concretize from ideas. This week its to focus on 1 book, read it and act on something, and review it ... I'll see how I go.

So a friend of mine has been having some major issues with himself mentally, like, brain fog and even having these extreme moments of anxiety and other things. So yesterday he told us that his doctor had done a genetic test on him and had identified that he had a variant of the COMT gene which causes his brain to metabolize dopamine at a faster rate than normal. I immediately looked on 23andme because I had done their testing years ago. Turns out I have it as well. The short of this is a two sided sword. On the one hand, this means we have a higher pain threshold and can do well under high pressure situations. On the other, this also means that at baseline we have more cognitive difficulties, like brain fog and such. Which for me rang so true it was like a WTF moment. I often do well when under pressure. I think thats why I still have a job. Because the rest of the time my brain kinda wanders through a fog but when the shit hits the fan I can jump into gear and fix something. I'm also the type that can be in a mental fog most of the time, but if its the middle of the night and shits going down I can jump right up and go handle things (kids getting sick, etc). But then I'm a wreck the rest of the day. Also its associated with anhedonia, which explains why it seems like I never really enjoy things. I'm really rarely ever happy. I come off as completely emotionless often. So, yeah. theres that.