Mar 18 • General discussion
Sunday Revelation
I haven’t been living with integrity.
Yesterday, I was introduced to the concept of “Integrity of Purpose.” The idea is that our actions, behaviors, attention, and energy should be in alignment with that which we seek or define as purpose. Purpose, of course, comes in myriad forms – husband, father, wife, mother, employee, creator, writer, friend, Christian etc. There are areas in our lives where the integrity underlying our purpose aligns, where it reflects a true form of being in pursuit of “purpose.” And then there are areas in our lives where the underlying integrity is completely and utterly non-existent, or it is hollow, or an illusion, or we’ve lied ourselves into thinking we’re doing what is necessary to bountifully reap from our efforts, our work, our pursuit of it.
“First of all, discipleship means a sincere desire to learn and a determination to learn at all cost… So the first condition, if we wish to become disciples fruitfully and learn a discipline which will give results, is integrity of purpose. This is not easily acquired.”
I’ve been in New Mexico for nearly three weeks. The first two were spent in a small community on the edge of Carson National Forest, roughly 7,800 ft above sea level. I hiked, prayed, read, sketched, cooked, cleaned, made fires, fed animals, reflected/contemplated, but mostly I was distracting myself with the internet, watching videos/lectures, scrolling social media, online gambling, listening to podcasts, etc. And then, finally, the end of week three rolls around, and I wake up to this madness; after nearly two years of idleness, distraction, unfruitfulness, soul-numbingly and passively consumed by the simulacrum, I stop for a day.
There is great wisdom in silence; its expansiveness is an eerie ringing inside your ears; a siren of silence that calls you front and center. This fragile space, oh delicate of delicates, is like tinkering with some infinitely precise science experiment—something so precious that the slightest movement or breath could knock the entire planet off its axis; it is where new life is formed, where your heart resides, where God speaks to you in secret, where the Soul is waiting to be heard.
God has created us in His image. He also created each of us uniquely, specifically, with qualities and talents and gifts, of which no other human has the exact concoction, measured in precisely these quantities—the formulation of which is beautifully and utterly YOU. And part of the war against ourselves is the outsourcing of this purpose, this beautiful chemistry, to some other power, person, or institution. We hand over the reins because, frankly, it’s easier that way; absolving us of our responsibility for ourselves and our Soul. I’ve been doing this all my life so completely that I began to beg for someone else, something else, God, to make these decisions on my account. And what God is saying is, I’ve already given you the answers—Be still and know.
I’m scared. I’m scared of being seen by others, of being held accountable. I just want to be told what to do. Where to go. How to be in this world. And this isn’t a repudiation of one’s desire to be God-led or Christ-centered, because that, for me, is the ideal. However, the pursuit of a clear voice, a directive from above, “GO DO THIS,” is unlikely. Rather, our God speaks, sees, and moves in secret; He created us, gave us a heart and mind so that we may, with faith, courage, and determination, live out our purpose in this life. It’s all inside of us; the way forward is inward, and we humbly ask for this to be revealed through us, in trial and error, in great disappointments and heartache, in suffering and failure. We do not learn of our Soul by keeping it hidden and ourselves safe from humiliation, failure, or harm. We step out into the wilderness to endure, learn, persist and survive and to address the most pressing question of our lives, “Who have I been created TO BE?”
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Sunday Revelation
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