Correcting Some Bad Writing · Wordsmiths’ Guild

Correcting Some Bad Writing

Have you ever written a paragraph and thought, “Yup… this is exactly what I wanted to say,” hit send, and then looked back later wondering what you were thinking?

I do it all the time.

Here’s my latest example:

“My intention for my reader is like a chef checking on his guests toward the end of their meal. When he sees them using the last crust of bread to clean up the last streaks on the plate, he’ll know they’re well fed and satisfied.”

It makes sense. The idea is there. But look at how many layers sit between the reader and the image.

“My intention…”“…is like a chef…”“…checking on his guests…”

By the time we reach the bread dragging through sauce, we’ve stepped through several layers of explanation, I've created too much distance.

Distance happens when we explain what the image already communicates.

The strongest part of the paragraph is the crust catching the last streak on the plate. That image already implies satisfaction. I didn’t need to translate it.

A tighter version might be:

“I want my readers to finish the way a guest finishes a great meal — dragging the last crust of bread through the final streak on the plate.”

The image stays. The explanation disappears.

Revision, more often than not, is subtraction.

How would you rewrite the original paragraph?

Or better yet — what image captures the standard you hold for your own readers?

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