Hey Everybody! Im back from the grave! At least it feels like it! It’s been a week today since I had to have surgery and Lord knows! I went in understanding that although less invasive, a laparoscopic hysterectomy would have me out of commission for at least a month. I honestly tried not to think about it much. I didn’t even really prepare my life for not being able to do chores or things like care for my daughter. Not at all taking into consideration I’d need someone to take care of me. My Mom originally offered to come down and help but I thought, I have a sisterhood of women who will step in if I needed. I also have my husband who typically works a lot but took a couple days off to be by my side. I thought I’d be ok… I wasn’t! First couple of days were so bad I couldn’t even cry! I kept throwing up, which was painful in and of itself but then I couldn’t keep down my pain medication to manage the pain which didn’t allow me to sleep! It was miserable. By day 3 I was exhausted and all of a sudden had an urge to sneeze… a lot! By day 4 I was starting to keep food down which allowed me some pain relief and finally rest. My husband had to do everything for me and that was something I was not used to. I’m not one to ask for help and since I hadn’t had anyone stop by and visit me I just toughed through the next couple days. I kept getting in trouble because I kept trying to do stuff although Dr.’s orders were to rest. Hubby is getting frustrated with me and tells me how will I heal if I don’t follow the Dr.’s orders? Then I was reminded of a Sunday school lesson I taught called Follow the Dr.’s Orders. There are consequences when we don’t. I faced a few that I won’t go into detail about but it is so important. I also got another epiphany that ties into our current series about “Abiding”. In John 15, Jesus talks about a dependency that I realized even while teaching the lesson I was not familiar with. I needed to trust God would take care of things without my help!

… I don’t have a medical degree, but I do have a PhD in Survival. This is lived experience, not a doctor’s orders—take the tools, but keep your therapist on speed dial and use prayer as your anchor. Throughout my life, I’ve navigated different layers of abuse—often, and most painfully, from the very people who were supposed to be my protectors. When we face these experiences, our nervous systems often default to one of four survival patterns: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn. Fight: Irritability or control. Flight: Avoiding or staying busy. Freeze: Feeling stuck or numb. Fawn: People-pleasing to stay safe. These are trauma responses, not character flaws. They are your brain’s way of keeping you alive in a world that felt unsafe. While they are natural, they are often reactive rather than proactive. For example, I might be at the grocery store when a stranger walks by wearing the same cologne as my perpetrator. Suddenly, I’m not just shopping; I’m transported back. Or, a friend might raise their voice in a simple disagreement, and instead of standing my ground, I immediately start over-apologizing just to keep the peace. In those split seconds, my body defaults to one of the four common trauma responses. Not addressing the underlying issues can lead to symptoms like Anxiety and/or Panic attacks and worsen PTSD symptoms just to name a few. Healing is the journey from blind reactions to calculated responses. Now, you can trade survival mode for a "tool belt" of healthy boundaries, breath work, and grounding techniques. Techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 method or box breathing aren't just "fluff"—they send physical signals to your nervous system to "switch off" the alarm and reconnect you to the present moment. This helps us to better show up for ourselves and protect our relationships. When you feel triggered, take a breath and remind yourself: "I am not in that danger anymore.” “That past is not my current reality.” “I am safe now." Lastly, but most importantly I have to remind you that the true healing happens at the spiritual level!

As I look back over my life and see just how far God has brought me - I'm grateful to know that God is real and that I'm never alone. I thank God for being patient with me including everyone else that still has the breath of life in their lungs. God is truly the keeper of our souls and our souls aren't for sell. God watches over and protects us from the things that are seen and not seen. We're in the palm of God's unchanging hands and He's our healer, our deliverer, our strength, our joy and our peace, our sound mind. God breaks yokes, strongholds, chains including curse that's wraps us up in the enemy's hand. God is real. God is good. God is Mighty and His hand is not too short that He can't reach us and pull us out of our mess. Thank God for His unconditional love and holding back His wrath and not destroying us disobedient and stiff-neck, rebellious people. I admit, I am one of those people that stumbles backwards on the battlefield of my mind where I know the enemy fight me at daily. I lived in a defeated mindset for decades due to my childhood trauma (If I worded that correctly) I feel like I have been living in darkness my whole life. But when God sends that fresh air my way, I take a deep breath and that darkness that feels like a heavy blanket of shame gets pulled off of me. I'm learning to slow down as God snap me back into reality because my mind be in between two different realms - People might think that I'm crazy because they don't understand why I speak on two different realms - One realm is reality and the second realm is an delusion. That's why it's important to take every thought captive so that you don't get lost on the battlefield. I thank God for bringing me out of darkness and helping me to get through my trials, tribulations, seasonal storms and droughts. I thank God from freeing me from smoking, drinking, fornication, fighting, being suicidal, hanging in those empty streets, shutting down abusive relationships and corrupted friendships.

I rededicated my life to Christ about a year and a half ago now. It’s been a beautiful journey. I’ve done and accomplished things I never thought I could. I always loved singing but wasn’t bold enough to sing in front of people. I felt conviction one day when I realized God restored my voice after being delivered from smoking cigarettes. I knew I had to share this praise. I would always sing praises in the car on the morning ride to school with Journie and one day I recorded it. I felt the Spirit urging me to post it but I hesitated. Now mind you, it’s early, my voice is raspy and I’m looking like I just woke up but I was obedient and posted it with a hashtag of #Praisehimwithmeyall! I began getting so much positive feedback in spite of me going through the motions about my insecurities. God showed me that people were less concerned with what I looked or sounded like but more so appreciated a genuine praise! He took the nerves and feelings of things needing to be perfect and replaced it with light and joy Glory be to God!

PTL ladies I feel like I missed so much I have been present in something but blank in my brain I took a couple of falls and yes one of my fear triggers. Before it happened in my mind I would see my falls and each time I either got hurt real bad or died. I was shaking it off reburking it and praying. So my knee pop fell hard on the floor and hard time to get up, 2nd time was bad it time hurt a part of me that was already in pain. Found myself praying and crying then hearing or thinking see sons not here, church family busy with their family or problems you alone just like them what you going to do now. A slap in the face then I was giving an assignment where I felt unworthy and asked why. But each day I have been reading or praying exercising I'm on a slow hill but with the shaking pressing and push I'm going to work on my trust and faith in God because this storm cloud has to move.