May 16 • Support for Hard Moments
Update and sorry I missed the meeting
I really meant to go to the meeting last Monday, but I ended up falling asleep. I have had a migraine every single day for the past three weeks. The only time I don't have a migraine is either really late at night at like two or three in the morning, or very early when I first wake up, around five or 6 AM. And I have a freelance job I have to do if I want to be able to pay for my pain doctor and get pain medicine. So I've had to use the little time I don't have a headache to work, and because of that, I've barely been sleeping.
The rheumatoid arthritis is also causing me a lot of pain. A lot of the time, I can't sleep because of the pain in my knees. I'm trying to do the best I can to cope.
I think about suicide a lot. I even planned it out. But today, I resolved not to do it. I have wonderful friends – really, really wonderful friends, and I know they love me deeply. They would be devastated if I killed myself. I want to be brave. I want to be able to endure the pain so they don't have to endure it. I don't want to be in pain, but I don't want to give my pain to my loved ones either.
Anyway, I haven't been to many meetings lately because I always either have a headache or am too tired to function. I'm going to try to make it this Monday if I can. The last time I joined a meeting on Skool, I couldn't get the audio to work so I left. Maybe I'll have better luck on Monday. If I can manage to go.
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Update and sorry I missed the meeting
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