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What is STRESS? (private story & poll)
When stress shows up, we feel it. Yet, stress can be hard to define. What I experience as stress you may experience as excitement (or vice versa). Not sharing a common stress definition makes understanding someone else's stress harder. Why does this matter? Keep reading.
I discovered two useful stress definitions.
1) Stress: the body's non-specific response to any demand. The demand can be good (think: gym workout or crossword puzzle) (source - Stress.org)
Here's why this matters:
When we understand different people experience stress in different ways, we can help them Transform Stress. We can listen, reflect with them, and reframe the demand/event so they feel renewal, connection, or strength again.
Example: I had a friend worried about time. This person's calendar was full of tasks and events leaving little room for themselves. About 80% of these time demands were for other people: kids, career, life admin. Keeping up was tough. With no "way out," this friend felt increasing stress.
Then, we were having coffee one morning. I quickly attuned to his stress: he was talking fast, a bit frantic in movement, and easily distracted. Knowing fitness was important to this person, I asked, "What's your favorite gym routine right now?"
The response: quiet, still, face turning red. He hadn't been to the gym in almost a month (this is someone who routinely hit the gym 3 to 5 times a week... it's a need for him).
When I could define stress, I could "see" the calendar time demands were moving his stress meter into the red (quiet, stillness, red face... definition 1 above).
I could "see" what he cared about (hitting the gym routinely, fitness, health), was at stake... definition 2 above).
When I could "see" these things, I could respond in ways that fostered renewal, connection, strength (pun intended). I could listen better (think: sit there and really hear him). I could relate deeper (think: reflect back what that demand must feel like). I could dance between friend and coach (think: he feels less alone and he feels supported, guided, and responsible to hit the gym again).
Once we can define stress, we can spot it sooner. We can help ourselves, our family/friends, or our peers Transform Stress into renewal, connection, or strength.
Which stress definition do you relate to more?
Body's non-specific response to any demand (good or bad).
What happens when something we care about is at stake.
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What is STRESS? (private story & poll)
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