Jul 15 • General discussion
One of the Hardest Calls I Ever Made…and the Trust It Built
I’ll never forget the feeling.
My stomach dropped. My chest tightened. I realized I made a serious mistake, one that had the potential to derail a major project, damage a critical relationship, and risk everything we’d been working toward.
It wasn’t malicious. It wasn’t even careless. However, it was a misstep, and it was my fault.
I had two choices:
- Hope no one noticed and scramble to cover it.
- Call my client right then and own it.
I chose the second.
It was the kind of call that could’ve cost me my job.
However, I explained what I’d done, provided them with all the details, and asked how I could help fix it. Because I told them early, they were able to act quickly and contain the impact. They didn’t fire me. In fact, they thanked me. Not just for the call, but for the trust I showed in being honest.
And you know what happened? That moment, born out of a mistake, became the foundation for one of the most trusted working relationships I’ve ever had.
That’s the thing about trust, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about what you do when things go wrong.
And sometimes, the hardest step is the first one: owning it.
How to Rebuild Trust After You've Broken It
While I teach that trust is your leadership operating system and not a fragile emotion, the trust others give us is indeed fragile, and when it breaks, especially because of us, it can feel irreparable. But it’s not.
With courage, intention, and the right approach, trust can be rebuilt stronger than before.
Let’s walk through how...
1. Acknowledge the Harm—and Do It Fast
According to "The Power of Trust" by Sandra Sucher and Shalene Gupta, the first and most important step in restoring trust is acknowledging what happened and why it caused harm.
It shows integrity and concern, two of the four pillars they outline.
Business Example: When Starbucks faced backlash over a racially charged incident in 2018, they immediately closed 8,000 stores for anti-bias training. The bold action signaled ownership.
At Home: “I know I broke a promise to our child, and I see how that hurt you both.” These words matter.
ACTION: Name the mistake clearly, without excuses. Let the person speak. Then, say: “I understand what this did to you.”
2. Actively Repair What You Broke
Words mean little without action. David Burkus writes that “rebuilding trust begins with full accountability and measurable behavior change.”
At Work: Start with: “Here’s how I’m fixing it, and how I’ll keep you updated.”
At Home: Create rituals—like weekly family check-ins—to rebuild consistency.
ACTION: Build a mini "trust restoration plan" with the other person: What will you do? When? How will they know you’re following through?
3. Invite Emotional Honesty—Theirs and Yours
Frances Frei teaches that empathy is the most common trust “wobble.” We lose trust when others feel we’re not for them. Distraction, defensiveness, or avoidance are silent killers.
At Work: Ask, “How did this impact you?” And listen. Really listen.
At Home: Invite emotion. Not as a liability, but as a connection.
ACTION: Create a moment of stillness. No phone. No multitasking. Just presence. Offer: “I want to understand how this felt for you.”
4. Rebuild with Logic and Consistency
Trust breaks when our reasoning doesn’t make sense—or when we seem inconsistent. Frei advises leading with your point first, then providing evidence, so people get the clarity they need.
At Work: “Here’s what I learned. Here’s what I’m doing differently starting today.”
At Home: “I’ve been short-tempered. I realized I’m stressed about finances. That’s not fair to you. I’ll manage that better, and I want your help.”
ACTION: Ground your communication in clear logic, especially when emotions are running high.
5. Be Authentically You—Even When It’s Vulnerable
People don’t trust perfection. They trust real authenticity. Frei reminds us: authenticity is a must. Especially when we feel tempted to protect ourselves by hiding.
At Work: Share the lesson. Show your learning curve. It models growth for your team.
At Home: Don’t just repair—reveal. “I’m scared I let you down.” It opens the door to reconnection.
ACTION: End the repair conversation with a question like: “Is there anything I can do now that would help rebuild this with you?”
Further Reading & Resources:
- The Power of Trust – Sandra Sucher & Shalene Gupta
- Rebuilding Trust on a Team – David Burkus (Article)
- Frances Frei TED Talk – "How to Build (and Rebuild) Trust" (Watch it here)
- Coaching for Leaders Podcast – Dr. Henry Cloud on trust restoration (Listen)
One Final Word: Get It Right at Home
The emotional toll of broken trust at home is deeper than any quarterly earnings report. You feel it in the silence. The withdrawal. The tension in a hallway that once held laughter. That’s why trust repair isn’t just a leadership skill—it’s a life skill.
You’re not a perfect parent, partner, or professional. None of us are. But trust isn’t about being flawless. It’s about showing up fully, owning your impact, and doing the work to reconnect.
That’s the kind of leader people follow—and the kind of person people love.
Next week in The CEO Trust Blueprint: How to protect trust before it’s broken—with habits you can start today.
If this resonated, share a comment or experience that shaped your perspective on taking responsibility for making things right.
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One of the Hardest Calls I Ever Made…and the Trust It Built
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I help seasoned leaders turn chaos into clarity—building trust-driven teams, lasting culture, customer value, and peace at work and home.
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