PTO
The truth is, I was going to quit my job, but instead I asked for today and Friday off. I need to reset. There is no reason why I should be feeling so low just because of my career. So low that I wanted to punish myself by self-harming, a behavior I learned as a teen.
Instead, I took a bath and used one of those bath bomb things. I went to church last night and cried a lot, and had some good friends pray over me. I woke up to the business manager thanking me for my "feedback" and telling me that she looks forward to talking more when I return to work. I laid it all out there; I spoke my truth, and this time it worked... well enough to get me through next Monday.
So I woke up and cleaned my apartment. You can always tell how my mental health is by the state of tidiness of my living space. If it's clean, I am in good shape. If it's a wreck, chances are so is my mental health.
I have a new friend at church, and she is very kind to me. I think she's been through some of the things I have been through, in terms of needing to "perform to earn love." Ever since I was a little girl, I have tried to be the "glue" that holds everyone and everything together...and it's just not working. I have to learn how to let people deal with their own emotions and figure out my own, without self-imploding. 🥰
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Abbey Fliege
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PTO
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