Why don’t you ask for what you want?

One of my absolute favorite practices to lead is one that I first learned from Betty Martin in her Like a Pro Wheel of Consent™️ training.

It’s deceptively simple, but it opens up some of the most profound conversations about desire, boundaries, and the nervous system that happen in our spaces together. It starts with a single question that almost always changes the room:

**“Why don’t you ask for what you want?”**

At first, there’s usually a pause. People look down, look away, or laugh a little. It’s like the body is asking, “Is it really safe to tell the truth here?”

And then, slowly, the answers begin to arrive. Once the first few people share, the floodgates open. What comes through is raw, embodied, and deeply intelligent. You can hear whole life stories inside a single sentence. You can feel family systems, cultural conditioning, trauma responses, and survival strategies all speaking through the ways people answer.

Some examples of what tends to come up:

- “I don’t want to be a burden.”

- “I’m afraid I’ll be rejected.”

- “No one ever asked me what I wanted growing up, so I don’t really know.”

- “If I say it out loud and don’t get it, it will hurt too much.”

And then there’s the one that landed hard in my own heart:

“I don’t believe what I ask for is what I’ll get.”

Whew. That one. The ache in that sentence is so familiar. The way it teaches the body to stay quiet, to not bother, to manage everything internally instead of risking disappointment on the outside. That belief has kept me silent on more days than I’d like to admit. It’s definitely a top 3 answer for me.

Lately, this question has been echoing through my days: **Why don’t you ask for what you want?**

If you feel resourced enough, spend some time with it this week. You might:

- Notice what happens in your body when you read that question. Tightening? Numbness? Heat? Collapse?

- Journal a list of your uncensored answers, without trying to fix or uplift them.

- Track where you learned those answers. Whose voice do they sound like? What memories do they belong to?

I’d really love to hear from you on this, if you feel willing to share:

- What’s one honest answer your body has to the question, “Why don’t you ask for what you want?”

- How has that answer shaped your relationships, your work, or your intimacy?

- What support would help you practice asking more clearly, more often, or more bravely?

You’re welcome to share as much or as little as feels right. You can write a whole story, a single sentence, or even just “I’m sitting with this.” Your response might resonate with someone else who doesn’t yet have the words.

Hold this question gently this weekend. Let it move at the speed of your body, not your urgency to “heal” or “perform growth.”

**Why don’t you ask for what you want?**

See you in **Authentic Consent™️** next month, where we’ll keep exploring this together in community.

www.atltantra.org/AC

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