Does hating them actually help you let go?

There’s a really thin line between emotionally detaching from someone you were deeply attached to… and turning everything into hate and resentment just so moving on feels easier.

The problem is that hate can keep you just as emotionally tied to someone.

You might not be waiting for their love anymore...

but they’re still taking up space inside you through anger.

I’ve noticed that when resentment starts creeping in, I try to do two things.

First, I bring the focus back to what this relationship has taught me about myself.

And honestly, it has taught me a lot.

Not only about the other person or what went wrong between us, but about my own fears, patterns, needs, boundaries and the parts of myself I abandoned trying to make the connection work.

Second, I remind myself that hate can sometimes become another form of relief.

If I make them completely bad, maybe I don’t have to feel how much I loved them, how much I miss them or how badly it still hurts.

So instead of feeding the anger, I try to be honest with myself.

“Yeah, Martin. This still hurts.”

“You loved them deeply.”

“You wanted it to work.”

“And you don’t have to turn that love into hate just to accept that it’s over.”

Everything I share online is something I’m genuinely trying to practise myself.

I’m nowhere near finished, but I can see a massive difference between where I was and where I am now.

When resentment shows up, what does it feel like it’s doing for you most?

Protecting me from the pain

Giving me a sense of control