No contact can stop the messages. It doesn’t automatically stop the waiting, the urge to check, or the relationship still happening inside your head. In this video, I share four things that have genuinely helped me deal with that space: How to get through the next ten minutes without reacting. How to give the pain somewhere to go without numbing it. How to separate what you miss from what was actually real. And how to stop using all the silence to understand them and start using some of it to understand yourself.

There’s a really thin line between emotionally detaching from someone you were deeply attached to… and turning everything into hate and resentment just so moving on feels easier. The problem is that hate can keep you just as emotionally tied to someone. You might not be waiting for their love anymore... but they’re still taking up space inside you through anger. I’ve noticed that when resentment starts creeping in, I try to do two things. First, I bring the focus back to what this relationship has taught me about myself. And honestly, it has taught me a lot. Not only about the other person or what went wrong between us, but about my own fears, patterns, needs, boundaries and the parts of myself I abandoned trying to make the connection work. Second, I remind myself that hate can sometimes become another form of relief. If I make them completely bad, maybe I don’t have to feel how much I loved them, how much I miss them or how badly it still hurts. So instead of feeding the anger, I try to be honest with myself. “Yeah, Martin. This still hurts.” “You loved them deeply.” “You wanted it to work.” “And you don’t have to turn that love into hate just to accept that it’s over.” Everything I share online is something I’m genuinely trying to practise myself. I’m nowhere near finished, but I can see a massive difference between where I was and where I am now. When resentment shows up, what does it feel like it’s doing for you most?

A free space for the moments when your emotions are loud and you need somewhere to pause, reflect and feel understood. You can use this community to talk about breakups, no contact, triggers, attachment, relationship patterns, things you’re realising about yourself, and the messy moments in between. New here? Start with this 👇 Go to Classroom → START HERE You’ll find: ❤️‍🩹 How The Pause Room works 📓 Free Resources — journals, exercises and practical tools I’ll keep adding 🎥 Pause Room Talks — recordings of future lives and Q&As Then come back to the Community. You can post, comment, support someone else or simply read until you feel comfortable. If you’d like to introduce yourself, tell us: What brought you here, and what are you trying to understand or get through right now? Please protect your privacy and the privacy of others. Be supportive, don’t diagnose people, and remember this community isn’t a replacement for professional mental-health support. There’s an Ask Martin section in there too. You can leave something you’re stuck on, and every week I’m going to pick some of the questions and record a private video talking through what they bring up for me and what I’m learning around them. You don’t have to figure everything out today. Sometimes the first step is simply not reacting yet. Martin ❤️‍🩹