Aug 19 • General discussion
Leaning Into Discomfort
I’ve recently got to that amazing place as a leader where I’ve got an extremely talented driven team whose experience and knowledge surpasses mine. Many leaders proclaim that this is the end goal for every great team and I absolutely agree with them!
What I wasn’t ready for was that sudden moment of realization that I don’t know how to lead a team like that. In my 15 years as a leader, I’ve strived for but have never been able to get to that state. I had that moment 2 weeks ago and it turned into one of the hardest work weeks of my life as I tried to wrestle with how to lean into the almost gut-wrenching feeling of ‘what do I do now?’ & ‘how do I put my money where my mouth is?’
I instantly saw why this leadership style isn’t more wide-spread, it requires vulnerability and a level of self-awareness most people aren’t comfortable with. It would have been so easy to pull back and lean into my ‘authority’ as a leader but I made a conscious decision against that. I’m still trying to figure it out and I’m bound to make a few mistakes along the way, but below are a few key actions I took to lean into the feeling:
- Be honest with your team that you’re struggling! If you’ve truly built a team that you have empowered to work in their mastery and given them the psychologically safe space to be their best, that empowerment and safety should exist for you too! Showing vulnerability in this way will be hard and isn’t going to feel very good at first but when a leader demonstrates vulnerability it shows your team they are safe to do so as well.
- Lean into your Mentors. On my worst day of the week that I had the moment of realization, I happened to have a call scheduled with my mentor and the entire call was spent on this topic. I scheduled lunch with my old boss later in the week who I knew also dealt with the same realization multiple times as he had changed careers. They both validated what I was feeling and told me how they got through.
- Journal, Journal, Journal. I spent nearly 3 hours and jotted down 8 pages of notes of what was going through my mind and what I was feeling in my body as I worked through the realization. Journaling is something that falls to the wayside far too often but can be a huge help of uncluttering your mind and setting a course. Putting it on paper or in a digital journal forces you to work through from start to finish your thoughts and feelings.
- Embrace your masteries. If you’re in a position to lead and build a team like this, you obviously have your own masteries and gifts that shine through to your leaders. For me it’s solving problems, removing obstacles, and rallying others to my teams projects and cause. Lean into those things!! As much as we want to be, we all can’t be amazing at every thing and we certainly won’t be fulfilled by every single aspect of work.
- Take a deep breath or 30. Resisting you initial gut reaction and instinct to exert your authority and control is hard. Succumbing to that instinct is the quickest way to destroy the psychological safety and morale of the team you’re trying to build. It is completely normal to have that reaction and instinct. I’d bet every leader that’s been in this position has felt it. By choosing to check you reaction, you’re choosing the more difficult path of being a leader not a manager.
My biggest takeaway from my week of realization is that every leader has been there at some point and how you choose to lean into your team and the supports you have will determine what type of leader you are choosing to be.
The path of a leader can feel like a lonely one but only if you choose to go it alone. Legendary basketball coach, Phil Jackson, put it quite eloquently:
“The strength of the team is each member. The strength of each member is the team.”
None of us is alone in our journey to become a better leader.
Share the moment you realized your dream team was finally assembled in the comments below!
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Leaning Into Discomfort
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