Let Go or Be Dragged
I've quit jiu-jitsu. Back and foot, mainly, on top of everything rugby and the other martial arts did to the rest of me.
It's gutting. It feels like a bereavement, same as when I gave up rugby almost 12 years ago. You tell yourself it's just a hobby, but it never is. It's your identity, your routine, and half your friends, including my best friends.
What I loved about it
I took it up at 40 after most of my life playing rugby, with Muay Thai and MMA along the way. I loved the camaraderie. I loved that it was down to me and nobody else. After years of team sport, that was a relief.
The sunk cost trap
The sunk cost fallacy is carrying on with something because of what you've already put into it, not because it's still good for you. Fifteen years of martial arts, a belt, medals, mates. None of that is a reason to keep going if the thing is breaking you.
I've had a fused foot since birth. Rugby added a torn rotator cuff, a torn ACL, damaged discs and a arthritic foot that aches like toothache. Jiu-jitsu sat on top of all that. The honest question isn't how long I've done it. It's whether I'll be better off in five years if I carry on. I won't. Everyone says I should be grateful and I am. I got to train and compete with a body that had no business doing either. But "you've done well" doesn't change the fact that it's finished. You can be grateful and done at the same time.
Is it ego? Maybe. Part of me doesn't want to be the bloke limping round the gym everyone feels sorry for. But ego cuts both ways. Hanging on to prove you're tough is ego too, and the bro science world loves it. Push through, never quit, pain is weakness leaving the body. It's toxic nonsense. Nobody gives you a medal for the arthritis.
It's not just sport where you have to let go or be cragged. The same goes for jobs, and for friendships. If someone has put you down for 40 years, the 40 years isn't a reason to stay. It's hard, but you can leave.
Change direction
I'm not stopping, just changing direction. There are other chapters, probably ones with less physical punishment, and I'd rather open them than resent the one I'm closing.
Don't cling to something so hard you end up hating it. Let go or be dragged.
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Let Go or Be Dragged
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