Kindness can help people. But it can also be used badly. I worked with someone who used to film herself handing out Greggs pasties to homeless people for social media. She couldn’t see the problem. That people still have dignity. That turning someone’s worst moment into content isn’t kindness. It’s using them. Its shittiest of the shitty. When I was in a two year depression, I barely moved off the settee. People would say things like “pull yourself together” or “just think positive” like it was a switch you could flip. It just made things worse. What hit harder was the silence. Friends I’d known since I was four. People I’d gone to war with on a rugby pitch. No one came. Not one. Except one. A lad from Jujitsu. We’d got close over lockdown, a lot of laughs, a lot of stupid nights. On the mats he’s relentless. Tough. Loves taking the piss when he taps you. Not the kind of person you’d expect to just sit quietly with someone falling apart. But he showed up. Didn’t try to fix anything. Didn’t tell me what to do. Just sat there and listened to me talk absolute nonsense for hours. Didn’t judge it. Didn’t rush it. Just stayed. He had a young baby at the time as well. Still made the effort. That stuck with me more than anything. Not advice. Not solutions. Just someone showing up when it counted. It made me rethink who actually matters. There’s a line in Derek where someone says “kindness is magic.” It sounds soft, but there’s something in it. Not because the world rewards you for being kind. It doesn’t. Good people get shafted all the time and plenty of arseholes do just fine. But kindness changes something in you. It pulls you out of your own head for a bit. Reminds you there are other people out there dealing with their own mess. It keeps you grounded. Same with integrity. It’s just doing the right thing when there’s no upside. No audience. No credit. No one watching. Not because you’re trying to be a good person. Just because you don’t want to turn into someone you don’t recognise. When everything else is unstable, that stuff holds.

In 2016 I worked for someone who was unpredictable in a way that made every day feel uncertain. I never quite knew what version of him I was going to get. I started keeping a record of conversations and decisions so I would have something to refer back to if anything became disputed later. I did not want to keep a paper diary because anyone could read it and I would probably have lost it anyway, so I used an app instead. At first it was just protection. Later it became something else entirely. When I walked out of that job due to my boss being too much for too long, the journal mattered. I had a record. More importantly, I had a timeline. After that I began using it differently. I started noticing patterns in my mood. I could see what triggered difficult periods and what helped me recover from them. Off an on for 10 years and everyday for the last 3 years. It has become one of the most useful habits I have. Journaling is not complicated. It is just a place to put things when they are too noisy to keep in your head. Research supports this. Expressive writing has been linked with reductions in symptoms of anxiety and depression in multiple studies, including work published in the Journal of Affective Disorders examining structured writing exercises over several weeks. Example review evidence: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15094266/ Getting Things Out of Your Head Writing things down changes how they sit in your mind. Thoughts that feel overwhelming when they stay internal often become clearer once they are on the page. They stop looping in the same way. You can look at them instead of being inside them. It does not need to be structured. It does not need to make sense to anyone else. It just needs to be honest. Spotting Patterns Over time a journal becomes a record. You start seeing what affects your mood. Certain conversations. Certain environments. Sleep. Exercise. Stress. Isolation. Digital mood tracking research suggests that people who record emotional patterns are more likely to adjust behaviour in ways that support mental health.

Depression often comes with swings between superiority and inferiority. Sometimes both, moving back and forth. One day you feel like you know better than everyone else. The next you feel useless, ignorant, or like a fraud. Neither state is accurate. Neither helps. During lockdown I worked for a major medical supplies company managing digital marketing through their website. It was not the same as working in an ICU or emergency setting, but it was still intense. Demand was constant. The pressure was real. I worked long hours and was praised for being responsive and pulling my weight. My 17 or 18 years of experience mattered during that period. After lockdown the company hired a digital director on a six figure salary and everything changed. To be fair to him, he was doing his job. But at the time I saw him as the villain of the story. He was direct, serious, and difficult to read. I had just come out of a breakup after a 20 year relationship. I had debt. My current relationship was going through a difficult period. I was already struggling with depression. My perspective was not at its best. I told him I was struggling with depression and bipolar disorder. HR became involved. Everything was handled formally and correctly on paper, but it felt cold and distant. The experience left me feeling that the company did not really care what happened to me as long as procedures were followed. It sent me into a spiral that lasted two years. During that time I planned to take my life six different times. Thankfully I did not. What I learned from that period is simple. Your workplace cannot be your safety net. Even organisations that talk openly about mental health are still organisations first. Protect yourself accordingly. Your job may be advertised before your obituary is ever published. The Illusion of Mastery No matter how much you know, there is always more to learn. And no matter how little someone else seems to know, they will understand something you do not. Psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger described a pattern now known as the Dunning Kruger effect. In their 1999 research they found that people with lower performance in areas like logic and grammar often overestimated their ability, while higher performers sometimes underestimated theirs.

I loved social media. I didn’t grow up with it. I was already an adult with two young children when I created my first account. What captivated me was how everything was connected. It was easy to satisfy curiosity instantly. Information moved quickly. And there was the chance to express myself and share my views with people I thought cared. I liked the idea of sharing my life with people I believed were interested in it. I can’t blame social media entirely for the affair I had, but it certainly amplified it and made it easier. One of my biggest regrets. Eventually I came off social media because debating with people who behaved like Tommy Robinson impersonators and shared false information left me exhausted. The pressure to reveal personal details also became too much. Since stepping away, my mental health improved in ways I didn’t expect. I no longer felt the constant pressure to perform, respond, or get pulled into pointless arguments. Even though I said I would never go back, at the end of July 2025 I returned. I realised I missed people I don’t see every day. Old colleagues. Friends. Family who live far away. This time I set some rules for myself. My Rules for Using Social Media Remove people who would walk past you in the street without speaking. Block or remove people whose views clash strongly with your values. I have no interest in engaging with racism, misogyny, homophobia, or transphobia. Some people are not looking for conversation. They are looking for conflict. Avoid posting controversial or argument-inducing material on other people’s pages. Don’t feed the trolls. And yes, I know the irony here. I’m sharing this through social media as well. The difference now is that I try to use it deliberately instead of letting it use me. The Mental Health Benefits of Reducing Social Media Use Research suggests there can be real benefits to limiting time on social media. A study from the University of Pennsylvania found that limiting social media use to about 30 minutes per day led to measurable reductions in loneliness and symptoms of depression.