Misguided Advice: They Mean Well (They're Still Wrong) , You're On Your Own
When dealing with depression, you need a kind of self-defence against, at best, stupid and annoying comments and, at worst, hurtful put-downs. This isn't about criticising people who genuinely want to help or the loved ones who mean well. But as a species, I think we'd be better off if we collectively learned to bat these kinds of comments back over the net, making people think twice before they say things like: "You don't need to worry/cheer up/calm down/snap out of it." This implies that depression or anxiety is something you can simply switch off, as if a flick of a switch will instantly remove the heavy, suffocating weight of depression or the gnawing fear of anxiety. The underlying assumption is that if you're not "snapping out of it," you must be choosing to stay miserable. But if it really were that simple, don't you think we would? "It could be worse." Yes, it could. But it could also be better. My uncle, who battled depression, once told his mother, "It wouldn't matter if the streets were paved with gold — it would all be grey to me." Depression doesn't care about your external circumstances. It will convince you that if you're rich, you don't deserve it, and if you're poor, you're a failure. It will find a way to make you hate yourself, no matter what. So no, for someone in that state, it really can't be worse — because they're already at the point where everything feels unbearable. "What you need to do is…" (Followed by a comparison to someone else) This one is especially frustrating. People who have never experienced depression — or have no understanding of what's causing yours — often feel entitled to hand out advice. But if you don't know the inner workings of someone's mind, their history, or the complexities of their illness, why would you assume you have the solution? It's like trying to help someone complete a crossword without seeing the clues or knowing what the grid looks like, but still insisting you have the right answers. You wouldn't do that — so don't do it with mental illness.